Some People Come & Go.

I hope i can retain those sweet memories. But sweet memories are painful. I hope to hear those promises from you again, but you say it is impossible.

Why give promises when you have fading feelings?

I always thought that males are the cruel ones, breaking promises that are sealed with a kiss. This time i've tasted the cruelness of females. Oh egoistic me!

What could be worst than having planned for loving vacations just to see it disappear within a month?

Why say you cannot commit after a nearly-3-year-long relationship?

Why are your feelings fading?

Because you had found new friends who can give you more enjoyment in life than i could?

Because you felt that i am too possessive?

Because you cannot tolerate me?

The love i gave you was immeasurable. Because i gave whatever i can to you. Tolerance, personal space. When i can't give, i expect to talk it out and compromise. But was i given a chance? Even if i was, did you spare a thought for me if we cannot work things out?

I appreciate you for who you are. But did it work both ways? I tolerated you. But did it work both ways?

You might have tolerated me, but was it enough?

I pray to God that you will become a better person to the one in your life to come.

Strapie & Balmie. 

Objects of Remembrance.

Looking at my lipbalm it brought a smile to my face.
Reminiscing the times i applied it on your gentle lips those days.
Felt so much love that's building on in me our faith,
and how I wish those days were here to stay.

Touching my handphone strap I remembered the promise,
"Lose it again, and forever you will lose me."
Holding it close to me, day and night,
even till now, because it is you who i still seek.

I asked myself," Is it love, or just a habit?"
Found the answer, but too late i think.
Why torture ourselves, if we knew the answer,
why not love again, it is time to believe.

Self Control & Tolerance For Others

Sometimes it is a habit to yell at someone once you are used to it. Sometimes, it is also a habit to wake up late once you are used to it. In everyone's life, there is always a few habits that are hard to change once you get used to it, but i do believe that habits are possible to be ridden of, be it good or bad. This is self control.

I am well known for being egoistic and very proud of myself. And i believe even till now, i still am. It takes time for me to change and i do feel that people around me should exercise self control and encourage me to change, reprimanding me if needed to. This is tolerance.

Tolerance for others is very important in intrapersonal relationships no matter where you are. Even if your intolerance for a person had became habitual, it is up to one's mental strength and spiritual power to overcome this habit.

The mind is very powerful, especially when it is engulfed by the fires of love. All imperfections seemed to be perfections, and all flaws seemed to disappear. All the painful, hurtful things are tolerated without thinking at all. Just by the snap of your fingers and hey, I had tolerated you.

But all these only happen when there is love.

I would like to correct her that yes, it was for 3 months that i had neglected her when i had a third party out there, but the decision i made about commiting to you for life took me a week.

You don't have to go into another relationship to see if you still love me or not. It would be a stupid move. I had went through it and i had regretted it tremendously. This is one of the things that will stay on with me as long as i live. You never know what can happen to you if you go into another relationship. By trying that out, you most probably will hurt that guy if he is serious about you when you realised that he is not the one.

I do agree that sometimes once you had made a decision, you shouldn't look back and should be happy with what you have presently. To me, i feel that it applies to small matters only. I do regret not doing some things but somehow, they were too minor for me to even think back of it.

Most importantly, never regret in life. This is definitely true. But only if one had put in enough efforts just to see that things still go wrong. Then there are no regrets. Maybe you can ask yourself if you had tried hard enough? I don't know.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevere."

~ Corinthians 14:13

Love never fails.

And everyday i am a better person. Because you made me see who I am.

I thank you for your boldness towards me.

The Story of A Square Peg & A Round Hole.

Square Peg went for an excursion 8 years back to Malaysia and met Round Hole there. They were together on the same trip. They enjoyed themselves and a week after they returned to Singapore, they were together. Puppy love you call it. Without knowing that they were of different moulds, they don't conform to each other because you can't possibly force a square into a round hole right? And this puppy love ended in three months time.

Square Peg and Round Hole went their own ways and they met different shapes along their lives for 4 years. In the processes of trauma, failures, sadness, disappointments and encouragement during these four years, Square Peg and Round Hole became more mature and changed into a Pentagon Peg while Round Hole changed into a Square Hole.

They met each other after going through 4 years of their own trials and tribulations. Somehow, they were more "flexible" and were able to fit into each other, perhaps forcibly. They lived with each other for more than two years with happiness, and she endured through the pains and sufferings that Pentagon Peg gave Square Hole. Then probably Square Hole can't take it anymore, and with other commitments, she decided to leave Pentagon Peg. Yes you can definitely force a pentagon into a square hole but things were not right after all. Being together would be most painful for both of them.

Probably, it is good to let someone go and see if the love can stand the test of time and space. Everyone of us is changing constantly, be it for the good or the bad. Feelings might still be there but by forcing it, it will wreck the emotional spirit of both. After all you still can't fit Pentagon Peg into Square Hole right?

Right now, our needs and wants might not be mutually fulfiled within each other. Let's see if time and space mould us into different shapes again; different shapes that both of us might fit in forever until we are pushed into the big oven and return to the dust of Earth.

Three months is long. But i hope my suffering will bear some fruits.

I Know What I Want.

It had been a fruitful day, except for my revision. Learnt abit of diving, erm i meant driving. And somehow after that lesson, my thoughts drifted off unknowingly. Into the future and telling myself what i want.

I want to save up money for my future. For my wedding. I must have the financial security.

I had been living in self-delusion from day to day, obscured by many, many things. It's time to set goals for myself to achieve.

Yes i had awakened from the illusion and i hope to be a new person from now on. A new man i may be, but some things will never ever change.

I don't know why but i felt nauseous and a headache throbbing my little skull tonight. Perhaps i had stared at my monitor for too long. Perhaps i can't get the right answers for my revision. Perhaps thoughts had been running amok in my mind. Perhaps, perhaps and more perhaps.

I seriously don't know how to end off this post tonight.

"Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope doesn't disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." - Romans 5:5, 4, 5

I pray for you.

This is cool. I prefer white helmets to green ones.

Rubbish Rubbish Where Are You?

Okay, began my day feeling emotional again but never mind. Just wondering why i can't sleep last night despite some liquor. Perhaps i'm still worried for her because she's outside? i think that's the case. Haha. Went to Ulu Pandan Incineration Plant the next day and i got the smell of my life. Took some dumb pictures with Bin Bin and we looked dumb wearing white helmets. Nothing much learnt for a half day trip, but at least the host was entertaining. With his strong sense of Singaporeans' biaseness towards the environment, he came up with lame stuff which were rather cute. Haha.

And he is a guy.

Went back home, chatted abit with her and sorted my thoughts out finally. But anyway, after that i slept and woke up, went to Bedok and joined Jimbo for some booze. Not alot though, but sufficient for the day. Tomorrow is another day filled with field trips. How boring can that be?

And after the field trip, i got to finish up my assignments. Like real.

Won't want to think of my thoughts and emotions again. If it helps, i wouldn't be depressed these few days. Flashbacks keep coming back but i managed to suppress them well. Memories are meant to be memories. Only to be thought of when things are more easygoing.

Anqi, I assure you. The day i give up on you is the day when you had found your next commitment. Because i believe the day that when you come back to me in future will be the day when you are ready for me. And for life.

I love you.

My Thoughts.

She told me she was afraid that I'll be tempted when i entered university. She told others to be sincere to her heart.

And now she told me she is not ready to commit. I cannot understand that after a close-to-3-year relationship the girl comes telling you she cannot commit.

Does one really need to learn the hard way? I learnt the hard way and i kept true to the one i love. Advices given fell on deaf ears. 1. She still like me. 2. But she is just not ready to commit. Does these two things link at all? Hardly if you ask me. It seems that i started off well telling myself that it's all over. But as days go by my heart weighs heavier with emotions. And i cant sleep when she is out late at night. Because i am worried. Not that i don't trust her friends but it's just some kind of concern you'd show to a person you really love. A field trip tomorrow at 8 and i can't sleep. Just what am i thinking about?

At the same time, i really hope she won't do things to spite me. I rather i suffer than her doing things against her will and lose out in the end.

How ironic can it be when we were still happily together days ago and one small event triggered everything off. I hope to be in self-denial by going after her again. But i can't achieve that withn my present state of thinking i guess.

I really hope she give some thoughts to the lyrics of the song i posted earlier on.

I Dedicate This Song To Her - 刘若英::后来

后来 我总算学会了如何去爱 可惜你早已远去 消失在人海
后来 终于在眼泪中明白 有些人 一旦错过就不再

栀子花白花瓣 落在我蓝色百褶裙上
爱你 你轻声说 我低下头闻见一阵芬芳
那个永恒的夜晚 十七岁仲夏 你吻我的那个夜晚
让我往后的时光 每当有感叹 总想起当天的星光
那时候的爱情 为什么就能那样简单
而又是为什么 人年少时 一定要让深爱的人受伤
在这相似的深夜里 你是否一样 也在静静追悔感伤
如果当时我们能 不那么倔强 现在也不那么遗憾
你都如何回忆我 带着笑或是很沉默
这些年来 有没有人能让你不寂寞
永远不会再重来 有一个男孩 爱着那个女孩

Hope she do give some thoughts to it..

Daniel Is Cool.

Was pretty bored so i decided to read blogs after doing my as-per-normal-boring assignments. Saw something on Daniel's blog. And i see that he had not taken people around him for granted. Way to go, Wylyn and Dan~

Time and time again I say this, “Time and tide wait for no man”. The world will change. And you cannot change the world to suit you, but you can adjust yourself to suit the changes that are bound to happen. My new phrase of my life will affect people around me as well as affect how I see and treat things. There will definitely be changes, and I must overcome these changes. It will not be easy. But I will try. For those in my life, please understand.

Two kinds of people will say this. The commited one and the matured one.

Sometimes you can understand why the changes set in, but you cannot understand why nothing is being done about it. It is just so unfathomable. I shouldn't really bother thinking. Leave the changing process to time. Time will tell. For her to see whether I am worth the changes.

Damn I am still holding on. Right. I am moving on in fact. Moving on to the next phrase of my life when i hope to see her ready to commit into my life again.

断点

静静地陪你走了好远好远
连眼睛红了都没有发现
听着你说你现在的改变
看着我依然最爱你的笑脸
连这条旧路依然没有改变
以往的每次路过都是晴天
想起我们有过的从前
泪水就一点一点开始蔓延

我转过我的脸 不让你看见
深藏的暗涌已经越来越明显
过完了今天 就不要再见面
我害怕每天醒来想你好几遍

我吻过你的脸 你双手曾在我的双肩
感觉有那么甜 我那么依恋
每当我闭眼 我总是可以看见
失信的诺言全部都会实现
我吻过你的脸 你已经不在我的身边
虽然你不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过得好一点
短开的情线 我不要做断点
只想在睡前 再听见你的 蜜语甜言

The lyrics are good. Speaks of my emotions. In future, all songs i post up here shall speak of my emotions. Do read it thoroughly peeps.

Jimmy Is A New Man!

Jimmy had finally sorted out things. Eric too. When will be my turn? I guess the emotional freak in me refuses to give in at all.

Was viewing her blog when i saw a message on her first page. Guess it's for me. It says:

Love is to sacrifice,
I shall not waste your time.
Thus to be fair to you,
I chose to leave.

How meaningful these words are to by-standers. How useless these words are to me. Is she implying she still love me, that's why she decided not to waste my time?

Jimmy told me about what him and his friend chatted about. He said, when you know that a girl is worth your love, go all out and get her back. This sounded very encouraging for me because as much as i wanted to give up hope on her, there is always this side of me telling me to wait. Because she is the one i can commit to for life. It will never be easy to find one who you can confide in your inner self. I won't want to let it go just simply so. And i guess i wouldn't want to share my life with another girl already. That is how much i love her. And i believe strongly that it will stand for years to come. Unless i really realised that she is lost from me, then i shall move on in my love life.

Received a good night message from her when i was in the cab (after Jimmy's fierce driving with my balls in my mouth). Replied casually but never ever did i expect a call from her after that. She sounded so not-herself. Perhaps of the influence under alcohol. Sad to know that she drank so much because she is troubled. If alcohol ever helps, i would be a better man now. Right.

You know, one of my friend told me he would really call a person he misses, truly, so much when he is high. Does she really miss me? Or just because she missed the weekend times with me? It is not me to assume things now and even if i do, it would be for the worst. Time will tell if this broken relationship will ever stand.

Some analogies in life are simply daunting to me. Like what Maurice told me, you can never hatch a broken egg or mend a broken vase. But i strongly refused to listen. Love is just so powerful and i believe in it. It once changed me and i hope to see the day when it changes Anqi, for as long as i live. Hopefully her feelings are still there.

I just felt so hurt when the words in her blog said," I am still me. The girl whom you once loved. But i no longer need your love. I just wana be me. I will live without you.."

I once loved you, and i am still loving you.

Shed tears for her when i was at Mdm Wong's just now. Heard Rick Astley's "Together Forever". Brought back memories of the time when i accompanied her to her friend's chalet.

You may live without me, but i can't live without you.

I Shed The First Drop of Tears For You.

After all the trials and tests we had withstand, we had fallen. Despite my continual trying, things went back to square one. Having said this, i told myself not to ever ever shed a single drop of tears because i had already done what i could and probably, get on in life. Things were still within control for the first day.

Went KTV with Eric yesterday and sang our hearts out. Being the same old emotional me sang sad songs again to vent the inner frustrations. It seemed that lyrics of certain songs can bring tears to me. But it was this particular romantic love song that brought the first tears out of my eyes.

萧亚轩::你是我心中一句惊叹

爱 原来是这么个模样
近在眼前却不一定能够一眼看穿
过往四处探访却总是徒劳而返
只一秒你就轻易的攻入我心上

该怎么形容我此刻的感想
如果你了解我过往的渴望
当过尽了千帆你还在身旁
彷佛是一道曙光
你怎么知道我还等待情感
当所有人以为我喜欢孤单
是你敲我的门再把我点亮
你是我心中一句惊叹

我 原来比希望更希望
在生命中有个同伴把心事都交换
际遇一面海洋 孤单总随着我飘荡
是不是你就是我的唯一的希望

I think the main reason why i teared was the fact that the MTV was so touching and sweet, with the powerful combination of the romantic lyrics. Woah. Power.

I dedicate this song to her and i really wished i can sing it to her.

Song of The Day. 苏永康::我不是爱过就算的人

点不燃你心中那盏灯　就在大风的夜我等了又等

悬空的心总在星光中翻滚　坠落一杯满满情真



忘不了梦里轻轻一吻　就在热闹的街我向前狂奔

期盼的眼终于溢出了泪痕　装满一碗浓浓情深



我不是一个爱过就算的人　爱过的每一刹那都是我永恒

哪怕风愈吹愈冷　哪怕爱情有伤痕　你还是我最思念的人

我不是一个爱过就算的人　只希望有个诚恳无悔的过程

哪怕你永远不能　就算我孤注一生　也不介意在你眼眸里自焚

Talking About Faded Feelings.

It seems that after all, faded feelings can't be regained at all, for some at least. How unfair could it be to the guy after he had changed dramatically? The guy was bad, yes. All the emotional scars and damages had already been carved and committed. What more can he do but to salvage everything just to know it's all too late? Are things really so difficult to forgive and forget? How is it that emotional scars can change a person? I was scarred also, but not as badly. But i still felt compelled to compromise because i really love the person.

I had mixed feelings now. I don't know if it's remorsefulness, guilt, anger or just plain sadness. Perhaps it's a concoction of all. It is really sucky to do so much but things ain't helping. Like taking an unknown dive into a pit, bottomless or not.

I've failed in teaching her the way of life, failed in fighting back for the love i once fought for badly for and still fighting for now.

I wonder why my determination is so strong when it comes to relationships. Sometimes, i wished i was weak. I wished i was easily tempted. I wished and i wished and i wished. So much so that the pain ended earlier instead of it dragging on and on.

Yesterday i thought i was relaxed. But now I can feel the aftermath coming. Woah.

*I think it is better to let go and see if they come back than it is to hold on and see if they let go.*

*We should all be so lucky to have someone who will never let us go. The ultimate legacy is to leave behind someone who will love you forever. ~Ally McBeal*

Some things are over, some things are gone, part of me you carry, part of me is gone. ~Tom Petty*

*Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy..anger... tears... laughter...It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it. ~Keiichi Morisato* (I'm sure of that too)

*It hurts to see you walk away. For admit it or not, you were an important part of my life and the time we shared will forever be a part of me, so even though I realize it was never meant to be still, it hurts.*

*I guess when you heart gets broken, you sort of see the cracks in everything. ~'Sally' on Felicity*

*The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have. *

* Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you.*

*Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.*

*Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself.*

*It is possible to give without loving, but it is impossible to love without giving.*

*Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is the need to feel appreciated. -- John Mayfield*

*A thousand words couldn't bring you back. I know because I tried. Neither could a thousand tears. I know because I cried. You left behind a broken heart, and happy memories too. But I never wanted memories, I only wanted you. *

All I want to do is dream....

Just woke up from the cold air in my room. And realised that i had dreamt of her. The sweet times we had together in Genting Highlands.

She told me she is not ready to commit and if i could wait, perhaps it would be after her SIM days. Is that the truth or is there someone out there better than me?

All these doesn't matter. But i all know is that as a friend, my heart will be shattered if she gets into a relationship anytime soon.

Lalalalala.....

Done already. Finished. Game over.

Okay, we've broke up and i don't know if that is a bad thing. Somehow, i felt consoled that i poured every single thought out of my heart to her.

Everything in life is about choices. Be it the right or the wrong one, one must bear the consequences. Regretting is not an option, especially when you know jolly well you might be making the wrong choice.

Sometimes, i really cannot fathom the woman's brains. A lot of women knew what went wrong and what could possibly be done to prevent shit from happening. Somehow or rather, they just don't feel like rectifying things. Note, they don't feel like it. Funny isn't it? Jinghan said, girls mature earlier than guys when it comes to puberty. Then they stop maturing at 19 or so. Whereas for guys, they mature later, but they continue to mature until their early twenties. I find it fairly true. Based on what my friend went through also.

Generalising this fact, i can derive a conclusion, if not a hypothesis, from it.

1. Nature vs nurture,
Sounds like genetics? Haha. I can marry these two ideas in genetics with most females. Nature allows them to grow to perhaps, partial maturity at 18/19, after which they stop for a while. Then the environment comes into play. Who you hang out with and the kind of "vibrant" environment you are in can cause drastic changes. Probably to the extent of ignoring sound advices.

Sometimes, they do things which they knew might possibly and most probably go wrong, yet they took the dip and and risk to try things like singlehood. Personally, i feel that the right one doesn't come once in a while but most likely, only once in a lifetime. Friends are always entering and leaving our lives, and there is no fear for the lack of supply. But how many guys can you find that suits your appetite so finely and yet you chose to let it go simply because of temporary friends? Is it really worthwhile to forsake a possible lifelong happiness for a definitely temporary enjoyment of maybe 2 years? That is definitely foolishness.

Striking a balance between school, your loved one and friends is definitely paramount in maintaining a healthy spiritual self. Too much of anything is not healthy at all. You don't pour loads of Hershey's syrup on your brownies with it's already so sweet right? A brownie tastes delicious because of a nice mix of chocolates and stuff. I think it would had tasted shitty with more syrup. Perhaps the reason why one prefers being with friends than the other half lies in the fact that they think they have their friends to fall back on when shit happens. But again as I've mentioned, friends are nothing but drifting clouds in our lives. Some may stay with you until you lie 6 feet under, but i ask you, how many would that be? Chances are your loved one who had decided to commit to you is the one who will stay with you throughout the sweetness, sourness and bitterness of life.

However, feelings do play a major role also. If there is no more feelings, why do we still hold on? I totally agree to that but had one thought about why the feeling was lost? Playfulness? Immaturity? Lack of foresight? I believe these three things play a very major role.

If you are too playful, you rather divert your attention to the party which you enjoyed being with more than the other half. That links to immaturity and lack of foresight. If some attention can be given to the other party, the relationship can still be salvaged. Notwithstanding, one must also know how to compromise and accommodate after giving the attention. What's the point of giving more attention when things still stay stagnant?

I feel that all these factors, lumped into one, are dynamic in nature. Each factor affects another in a subtle way or another, although we do not see the link directly. Ultimately, this brings about the loss of feelings.

How possible is it to determine the weightage of love one gives? Love is never enough; it is how the other party choose to look at it and talk it out. Then compromising comes into play. If that still doesn't work, feelings will definitely fade.

Damn i am repeating myself.

Anyway, i think that is all. I wonder why i could still feel so relaxed and nonchalent about things. That is bad because i'm afraid the aftermath will crash on me like the 911 incident.

And the thing is, i still love her. Hope that my conversation with her just now can push some sense.

What can't kill me makes me stronger.

I'm waiting for a brand new Anqi to enter my life again.

I'm an emotional freak.

Always waiting...and waiting...for you.

Song of The Day. 李圣杰::痴心绝对

想用一杯Latte把你灌醉 好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味 你不懂这种感觉 早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前 证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的 那些憔悴 是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解 我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退 我的防备 静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会 我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天 你会发现 真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

曾经我以为我自己会后悔 不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪 为你做任何改变 也唤不回你对我的坚决

Fragments of Love....

An emotional side of me today.

Enjoy.

Hugs and kisses, love and misses,
words like these break into pieces.
Losing all reasons to love the missus,
and struggling to hold on despite all disappointments.

I don't know what kind of love that she expects,
giving my all but there's little effect.
I gave my all, but what do I get?
they're worthless of mentioning and I want to forget.

Seeing her so happy with her friends,
perhaps in her heart I've lost my stand.
Had she changed, or is it just fate,
I will get over it, if this love ever breaks.

What is love? I ask you all,
putting in everything just to watch it fall.
Nonetheless it's non of our faults,
cos' at the very least we had loved before.

Song of The Day. 女人不該讓男人太累

Hmm..if only she can comprehend the meaning of this song....

我找不到天堂　也摘不到月亮
對不起　讓妳失望
妳的渴望　對我是很難

太多人比我強　也承認我平凡
我已經併命追趕
妳的眼神　請別那麼冷淡

就算再付出　我都撐得住
我不怕辛苦　苦得什麼地步
只要妳滿足　但妳何時滿足

愛得好累　真的好苦
女人不應該讓男人太累
雖然妳是我的一切
也別讓我感覺　愛妳很可悲
愛得好累　真的好苦
從來聽不見妳一句讚美〔安慰〕
就算我作的都白費
至少自尊讓我保留一點

愛的好累　真的好苦
我不怕辛苦　可是　怎樣妳才滿足
愛的好累

*Yawnx*

Fine day today, eh?

Today was a pretty fine day. Not much eventful things happened. Had dinner with her and went home.

My friend was complaining to me about his relationship...and i felt so intrigued by it. Here's how it goes....

Let's name my friend's gal as X. X was out with her friends window shopping around town. My friend met her for dinner and went back home. Then as he got home and started chatting with me, he told me that his gal is going to some pubs to drink with her friends.

___________________________________________________________________

HD: What's wrong with her going drinking with her friends? Moreover they haven't meet up for quite sometime already, let her go then.

Friend: That is not the point. I have no problem with her going out and enjoying herself in her company of friends. The main thing is, she has school early in the morning and needs to be up in the morning. And she told me just now that she is going to be very tired tomorrow before she even know she's meeting up with her friends for a drink.

HD: Then ask her to go home and rest after school lor. After all they are her friends what, and she has her own life.

Friend: Okay, she is meeting me tomorrow, and i know how easily irritated she can be if she doesn't have enough rest. And i feel that most of the time, i am taking the "rap" and being her stress ball. Not that i cannot accommodate to that but she has to understand that she will be tired tomorrow right? At least spare some thoughts for me, if not for herself. It's not like this would be the last time gathering right?

HD: Hmm i see your problem here.

Friend: And she said something which got me so disappointed. She said that it is her life. Wah piang eh. Yes i know she have her own life but spare a thought for me loh. She jolly well know that when she is tired, she treats me like a stress ball and yet she wants to go. Did she spare a thought for me? This year, i have friends asking me out on weekdays and i have school the next day also. I didn't agree because i know i will get tired during school hours. On some occasions, i don't have school the next day and yet i turned down their offer although i didn't meet up with them since last year also. Because i know she won't like it. Perhaps she doesn't know all these but i see no need in telling her because this is how i feel i should accommodate to her in our relationship.

HD: . . .

___________________________________________________________________

Sounds interesting eh? Well, as i've said previously, girls are from Venus, boys are from Mars. We can't do anything if they refused to listen to concerning words of advice right?

Hey friend, take it easy there yah? Life's beyond our control.

Blog About?

Seriously I am so bored that i feel like blogging now.

This year seemed to be a bad year for a lot of us. One of my friends got leukaemia. One of my friend broke up with his girlfriend. Another friend of mine is facing a relationship crisis. I have my own financial crisis. I believe my identity crisis is upcoming.

I realised the power of relationships. How powerful it can be in hurting one man whom i believe was (I didn't use "is" because i think he is not himself anymore) stronger than me in all aspects. he became desolate and rotten. It hurts actually to see that happening to him because i took him as my role model. Once. And i hope he can pick himself up again and prove to his brothers that he can stand tall again. But ultimately, i really pray for him that he can prove it to himself. That he can get over this whole episode. Because that is the most important thing of all.

The one facing the crisis. He seemed strong to me. Deep inside i wouldn't know. I realised that no matter how strong a man is, there are bound to be certain aspects that will cause his downfall and certain sides of him which he will not show other than he himself. Some part of him will never be part of him anymore. Although people around him don't see his rotting side, i believe he is feeling so weak and vulnerable inside. Putting on a brave front is good, but it is even better to be able to get over it genuinely than anything else.

Then here comes another girl in my mind. A friend from NIE. Got a past 3-year odd relationship and now she's facing the trauma of everything. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't pick up the courage to patch with the guy. Again i can see that she's putting on a happy front everyday in school. But God knows what she is thinking inside her heart.

Sometimes i felt so blessed to have her. I felt that she was a God-sent angel into my life. To be with me forever until i lie 6 feet beneath. Sometimes i felt so pressuried. Because sometimes, i worry that i can't give her the life that she wants. I don't really know what was expected of me so that i can maintain the relationship. Sometimes i feel inferior to her friends who are financially more stable than me. From time to time, there is always this constant fear of losing her again. We all know what we sow is not what we reap. Especially true in relationships. I am afraid to leave everything to destiny and fate because that is the time when i will take things for granted.

How much is too much? And how little is too little? A fine line being drawn across these two complex ideas really makes one shudder with fear and apprehension for the future. You see, that is the main problem.

Is assurance inportant in a relationship? What form of assurance will make one most assured? Verbally like saying "i love you?? Practically by showering gifts on her? Physically by going out with her everyday? But i think that the best form of assurance is through mutual understanding. But again,, women are from Venus, men are from Mars. How much understanding can we derive from the opposite sex when things go wrong because we assume too much or things go wrong because she thought it should be common sense on your part?

Wah...headache.

I wish those friends of mine a good year ahead of them. Guys, dump those thoughts and live your life. No one owes you a living. You owe your life to yourselves. If you are not going to cherish it, no one will do it for you.

It would be meaningless for people to cherish your lives instead of cherishing it yourselves.

Good day!

APOS 

Shagged. After Chinatown outing. 

Trust.

Trust is a small word that plays a big role in relationships. How many people can trust their partner again after shit happens? From total trusting to perhaps, half-trusting. This is one big demoralisor. Suggestions: how can we regain the trust again?

I want to relive those moments again.

A Troubled Mind, A Troubled Heart.

Let me talk about myself at this wee hour. Can't really sleep. What do you guys, my friends, think of me? With regards to my girlfriend and to you all, my friends? Sometimes i really wish there can be someone appraising me so that i can constantly know my flaws and improve myself. Yes i do realise some of my flaws but somehow, i just can't change them or shall i say, it is a subconscious knowledge in me but usually i just keep repeating them unknowingly. I guess this is a major minus point about me.

Patience is the way to go, with lots of tolerance. As much as i hate to be causative (unknowingly), i wish i could be criticised on my blog and i hope to clear doubts or whatsoever.

I am one who can take critics, but i am one who is strongheaded too as all Leos are. But i do hope we can interact and share our feelings and thoughts.

Good night.

Blogging About Blogging.

I think it would be nice to blog about blogging today.

Harsh words in my blog it may seem to some of you out there, but i am not trying to gain sympathy in a way or another, neither am i bad-mouthing Anqi. These are just one-sided thoughts from me. I find it hard to blog objectively as i am an emotional person, so please don't take everything for real if i happen to say the wrong things or phrase it inappropriately. After all, who is so perfect as to blog in such objective manners? C'mon, i am not doing an essay or a research paper.

I do understand that different people think in different perspectives, and i don't deny the fact the ideas get conceived in non-parallel planes by different people. In that case, then why should i bother to blog at all if people get the wrong ideas sometimes?

It may seem that i am gaining sympathy in a "slow" manner or whatever-you-call-it but again, is there a need for me to do so? What do i gain? Neither do I don't want sympathy nor pity. Because i believe blogging is all about expressing yourself for the sake of telling your friends what you feel at the end of the day. Full stop.

Nothing else.

Read and forget.

I am happily in love with her right now and i grumbled for the sake of grumbling, in addition to some thoughts (which may be causative or not depending on how you choose to define them). I seriously hope that all of you out there reading these blogs don't think of me as a scheming or cunning boyfriend. Because i believe the love i have for her is so innocent. Maybe i'm just plain blunt at times but well...i don't know how to elaborate but that's just me.

Hope that this blog can clear some clouds.

Song of The Day. 把你藏起來

As promised.

把你藏起來 - Alex To

把手伸出來　
寫上我的愛
讓你的眼淚都停下來
以後就算你　再怎麼愛遊盪
愛像星空為你亮起來

你的笑像一種魔法　把夜變成海
我又恨又愛守在岸邊等待
夜色越美我越難捱　心跳越厲害
萬一妳迷路　怎麼回來

好想把妳藏起來　藏在胸間的口袋
把妳暖暖地融化　妳就再也離不開
我要把妳藏起來　永遠呵護這份愛
從此不讓別人想　只准和我一個人相愛