Done already. Finished. Game over.

Okay, we've broke up and i don't know if that is a bad thing. Somehow, i felt consoled that i poured every single thought out of my heart to her.

Everything in life is about choices. Be it the right or the wrong one, one must bear the consequences. Regretting is not an option, especially when you know jolly well you might be making the wrong choice.

Sometimes, i really cannot fathom the woman's brains. A lot of women knew what went wrong and what could possibly be done to prevent shit from happening. Somehow or rather, they just don't feel like rectifying things. Note, they don't feel like it. Funny isn't it? Jinghan said, girls mature earlier than guys when it comes to puberty. Then they stop maturing at 19 or so. Whereas for guys, they mature later, but they continue to mature until their early twenties. I find it fairly true. Based on what my friend went through also.

Generalising this fact, i can derive a conclusion, if not a hypothesis, from it.

1. Nature vs nurture,
Sounds like genetics? Haha. I can marry these two ideas in genetics with most females. Nature allows them to grow to perhaps, partial maturity at 18/19, after which they stop for a while. Then the environment comes into play. Who you hang out with and the kind of "vibrant" environment you are in can cause drastic changes. Probably to the extent of ignoring sound advices.

Sometimes, they do things which they knew might possibly and most probably go wrong, yet they took the dip and and risk to try things like singlehood. Personally, i feel that the right one doesn't come once in a while but most likely, only once in a lifetime. Friends are always entering and leaving our lives, and there is no fear for the lack of supply. But how many guys can you find that suits your appetite so finely and yet you chose to let it go simply because of temporary friends? Is it really worthwhile to forsake a possible lifelong happiness for a definitely temporary enjoyment of maybe 2 years? That is definitely foolishness.

Striking a balance between school, your loved one and friends is definitely paramount in maintaining a healthy spiritual self. Too much of anything is not healthy at all. You don't pour loads of Hershey's syrup on your brownies with it's already so sweet right? A brownie tastes delicious because of a nice mix of chocolates and stuff. I think it would had tasted shitty with more syrup. Perhaps the reason why one prefers being with friends than the other half lies in the fact that they think they have their friends to fall back on when shit happens. But again as I've mentioned, friends are nothing but drifting clouds in our lives. Some may stay with you until you lie 6 feet under, but i ask you, how many would that be? Chances are your loved one who had decided to commit to you is the one who will stay with you throughout the sweetness, sourness and bitterness of life.

However, feelings do play a major role also. If there is no more feelings, why do we still hold on? I totally agree to that but had one thought about why the feeling was lost? Playfulness? Immaturity? Lack of foresight? I believe these three things play a very major role.

If you are too playful, you rather divert your attention to the party which you enjoyed being with more than the other half. That links to immaturity and lack of foresight. If some attention can be given to the other party, the relationship can still be salvaged. Notwithstanding, one must also know how to compromise and accommodate after giving the attention. What's the point of giving more attention when things still stay stagnant?

I feel that all these factors, lumped into one, are dynamic in nature. Each factor affects another in a subtle way or another, although we do not see the link directly. Ultimately, this brings about the loss of feelings.

How possible is it to determine the weightage of love one gives? Love is never enough; it is how the other party choose to look at it and talk it out. Then compromising comes into play. If that still doesn't work, feelings will definitely fade.

Damn i am repeating myself.

Anyway, i think that is all. I wonder why i could still feel so relaxed and nonchalent about things. That is bad because i'm afraid the aftermath will crash on me like the 911 incident.

And the thing is, i still love her. Hope that my conversation with her just now can push some sense.

What can't kill me makes me stronger.

I'm waiting for a brand new Anqi to enter my life again.

I'm an emotional freak.

Always waiting...and waiting...for you.