The Pains of Having Nothing To Do On A Saturday.

I really hate it when there is nothing much to be done on a Saturday. It seemed like a lazy Sunday afternoon. As I walked into my living room, its emptiness reminded me of how I used to spend quality Saturdays with her.

And yah, I slept half my day away again. My biological clock is screwing up on me once more.

And my brother took out his GBA SP. I can't play!

What to do, what to do, what to do?

I want to apologize to anyone who had entered my life and had experienced the hypocritical and undecisive side of me. I sincerely apologize for all that.

Sometimes being decisive on something for which one haven't sort out in a proper manner can cause indecisiveness in the end. And it so happened in my case.

I want to go out...I just need company! I don't want to cope myself up at home and start wondering about things again.

Tonight's The Night.

Had two poems up when I was at Fisherman's Village just now. Inspired by nothing, written out of melancholy.

Sounds of waves blended in with the blasts of retro,
"Together Forever" from speakers on the pole.
"I stand accused, of love in the first degree",
I need you to be near; I need you to hold.

Memories etched in my heart roared incessantly,
deafening my ears, it's so numbing.
Numb but it's pain, painful as it numbs,
my mind's in turmoil, what is it thinking?

The sky is starry, the wind is cool.
They taunted me as if they are real.
I lost my sparkle & cool, but what's new?
I'm like a pig in the abattoir waiting to be killed.

I feel so stupid and so worthless,
holding on to unreciprocated love.
I'm left with nothing, my mind's not clear.
I live my day by counting my tears.

That's the first one. The second one came when Joyce and Theng were talking among themselves.

Why am I missing her so much,
as I take up the ice-cold mug.
Think of the times I felt her hugs,
thinking of her gentleness so much.

My mind wanders to horizons of the past,
my memories unwashed, nor collecting dust.
All stayed anew, like it happened yesterday,
I felt amused; after all it's just a mask.

I shattered the mirror to find myself,
but it's futile, that's what I could tell.
Where are you, my dear little gal?
Here I'm yearning, no one can tell.

Did I sound very sad? Indeed I am.

And no one can tell.

I'm waiting for you. I'm waiting for you. Waiting for you kiss me at the night. 为何你, CINDERELLA, 留给我一望无际的思念. Waiting for you, I'm waiting for you. Waiting for you come here to my dream. 牵着你,不断旋转, 一直到黑发变成了银线. Waiting for you, waiting for you.

直到永远.

Hmm..

I am thinking again. But this time round, it's about my blog. How can I make it look professional enough eh? Maybe you people can tell me what you guys want to see in here.

Don't tell me you want to see live streaming of movies. I'll smack you upside down.

What shall I do tonight? I slept half the day away. I can't go tanning. I can't go swimming. I have got some plannings to do for school. I feel so lazy to pack my room. Why is it that when one is having examinations, he rather pack his room than to revise his work but when the papers are over, he don't feel like doing it anymore. I am procrastinating now. So darn lazy. Should I get the blades tonight? But how am I going to cycle with them?

Oh God.

My dad came back from Hong Kong last night. And he's so nice to buy me a bottle of Martell. But because I asked him to. Haha!

Hmm...maybe I should cycle to East Coast Park tonight.

I seriously won't dare to count how many times I had clubbed this month. I think it is darn terrible. Okay, not clubbing but just pubbing. Because I don't dance but just drink most of the time. Shall cut down on clubbing. Concentrate on healthier activities. Maybe like gaming at home. Like it's so healthy.

Debts. Endless Debts.

Had been almost a week since I last blogged with actual sentences (not poems). Decided to change my blogskin because the previous one looks kind of small and abit irritating. I managed not to think so much tonight; perhaps of the busy chats. Had a few things left undone. I think most of it are in the wish list.

But ultimately, I rather I find myself. That's all I am asking for.

Am I making life miserable for myself? Am I making myself suffer over little issues? Maybe I am. Worthless me.

It feels good to be free after the examinations. No stress for the next 12 weeks. Time to read some self-help books.

I feel that my self-worth had dropped quite a considerable bit. But I am still going strong. I don't know when I will feel exhausted from this long walk. This walk is tedious and apprehensive as I sluggishly drag my snail-like and naked paces on the trail full of nails. Yes, I may walk slowly, but I try not to walk backwards, no matter how slow it seems to be.

It seems like eternity.

All my friends asked me to put the past behind me and move on. Some of them said there's no future. Some of them said I should find someone who really appreciates me. Some of them said I'm useless as to hold on to nothing. Having heard all those mouths, I still think I'm quite settled for her. Is it all so hard to ask for? Can just one darned incident lead to so many many hiccups? I still feel this guilt in me every now and then. I regretted playing with fire. And it left a deep scar on me. Two implications from this scar; I've learnt and seen true love, but the price for this experience is too heavy to pay.

I feel so indebted to my conscience even till today.

Tired.

I'm tired out from the activities just now. I want to go and sleep. I shall blog again. Can't imagine myself reaching home in the morning.

If only I did enjoy myself just now.

Good morning Singapore.

An Unsung Requiem.

This is absolutely crazy I know, but somehow, it just came out of my mind.


Alone I stand on the world's podium,
I sing myself an unsung requiem.
Laughing at the world's urban legend,
my laughter is paltry, my eyes swollen.


The stars glitter like sparkling diamonds,
the spark in my eyes are pale in comparison.
She who stole them is all along blameless,
Shattered is my heart, but it seems unfaltered.


Where is the strength to find myself?
Wheezing badly, but who can tell?
Built it all up just to be condemned to hell,
Is the world that unfair, or things are just compelled?


I rummaged through my mind to find remnants of me,
but found nothing except sweet memories.
How to hate you? Do help me please.
I can't get through this alone; you are who I need.


This is silly, I know it fully.
Holding on to something which isn't worth a penny.
I would forget if I can help it,
but it's all so hard, I feel so wimpy.

Urban Legends.

Okay, the title was inspired by Maurice, and the poem came out. And partly, it's for a few of my close friends and brothers who had went through sh*t also. A tribute to you people.

Cheerios.

What is love, an urban legend?
Seeing my close friends getting hurt, their lives overturned.
Uncontrollable emotions, tears and pains,
when will us humans ever learn?


Exams coming, emotions mind boggling.
Hard to cast away those hurtful feelings.
Talking to friends who need the consoling,
but I can't even help myself, what an irony!


Problems are problems, they will never change.
Emotions are emotions, they will still be the same.
Take a new look at life, let your mind be tamed,
don't harp on to memories that shouldn't be retained.


Feelings were given, dreams were shared.
But if things don't work out, don't regret.
For we knew we had done all that we can,
move on and be new, haha! Like I can.


I may look alright, I may look fine.
But how many knew what goes on in my mind?
But only a handful of people, you know who you are,
thanks for being in my life, you guys are my delights.

I Feel So Cranky.

Looking into the 17-inch screen,
stony I feel and speechless and meek.
Brains went bonkers, I just can't think.
Paper in 36 hours' time, oh God help me please.


Grabbed my green tea, coffee and sweets,
gulped it all down so that I can't sleep.
"Ridiculous!" you shouted at me,
"I'm so sorry," I just lied about it.


My mood is cranky, as you guys can see.
Pardon me for these sh*t, but can't help it.
I want to study, and will do so soon,
Let me be nuts for now, before I revise and read.

Good. It's Early.

7 am in the morning, sober was me.
Blogging this very minute, I just can't sleep.
My mind is aching, with alcohol and all,
I want to take a quicker; the choice's not my pick.


Had my supper with a few good friends,
up to 5 am, a time well spent.
My purpose in life, I don't understand,
alcohol and fags; I don't want them.


Now I'm sleepy, sleepy is me.
Wanting to sleep and dream, but it's not up to me.
Gone were my dreams, together with myself,
I won't count my days, for they are mean.


I turned on my air-con, I hug my bloster.
Thoughts rummaged within me, like a roller coaster.
Brothers are forever, certain people are not,
I shall sleep now, because useless are those thoughts.

Life. What's Good About It?

Alcohol had taken its toll on me,
mug after mug, but i still think.
I played games with Jimmy, but lost most of it,
what good is alcohol, if it still makes me think?



I tried to be new, I tried to be true.
Trying as hard as I can, but it won't be real.
I blog with a heavy mind, I can't type well.
wanting to fall asleep, but I'm so immune.



Emotions had elicited from me, but I won't explain.
Trials and tribulations confronted me, I am still the same.
Had I changed? I think I had,
I lead this life alone, a life with pain.

Oh. Lucky Day.

I think I am very lucky today. How many mango trees are there in Singapore? How many mangoes actually drop on pavements before they are ripe?

A unriped mango dropped on my right arm when I was cycling just now. At 1644 hours.

I think I must thank God for that. Because it didn't drop on my head.

Adios for now.

I'll Be Fool, But Just For You.

I'll be fool, but just for you.
For a smile unbelievably sweet, but yet so real.
With words of concern that touched my heart,
throwing away my sorrows that you had peeled.


Glasses of drinks we shared for games,
facets of memories my mind retain.
Plates of good food that our stomachs claimed,
wonder if they will happen again.


Planning for outings for things like cycling.
My mind thinks too much, it keeps reminiscing.
Remembering that time when we agreed,
probably gone for now, circumstances decreed.


"Would it all be possible?" I asked myself.
Fell in love with your simplicity, your simple smile.
"I'll be fool, but just for you",
I am just thinking too much as of now.


I rock my mind, I rock a thought.
Rocking as hard as I can to clear the fog.
I am just me; I'm just a frog.
please like me for who I am, a foolish little frog.

Angel.

Please tread lightly on my wings,

because they are holding all my dreams.

Dreams so surreal, yet so desired.

They make me happy, yet so disgusting.

I met the angel with a smile so sweet,

lifting my spirits bit by bit.

But memories reminisced, I fear dreams be gone.

They ran through my mind like some cheap flicks.

I grab my schoolbag and off I go,

to another world, a world of my own.

Where I can be happy and without sorrows,

and memories be gone, but things couldn't be more wrong.

I count my days like I never did before.

The past was happy, and I couldn't ask for more.

Those were the days which I don't have to count,

because I was happy, but happy days don't stay for long.

Oh who am I, please tell me dear.

For living had became mundane and full of fear.

Tread lightly on my wings, for they hold my dreams.

Crush them hard, and they'll be filled with tears.

I've kept the distance to keep you near.

What a paradox, but the meaning was clear.

I yearn for the life with you in my arms,

waking up every day; your voice is the first I hear.

我和我追逐的梦

我和我追逐的梦

飘流已久

在每个港口只能稍作停留

喜乐和哀愁今生不能由我

任风带我停停走走

孤独依旧

多希望你能靠在我的胸口

却不愿痴心得到你的温柔

人群之中装作冷漠

泪不敢流

让命运牵引着我南北西东

看世间悲欢离合难分难舍

而谁在为我守候

我和我追逐的梦

擦肩而过 永远也不能重逢

我和我追逐的梦 一再错过

只留下我独自寂寞

却不敢回头

I...I...I...

I have this bad feeling. It is telling me that I am a changed person. And before this feeling came, I had already felt so.

I feel this bad urge to sort myself out once more. And once and for all. But I thought I had being intrinsically sorted out already. What is going on in my own darn world?

I don't know.

Having a mobile and a computer has both it pros and cons.

Having a study table in front of my computer is bad enough. And now my fingers get itchy. And saw things which I don't want to see.

AT ALL.

My frustrations had built up to my threshold already. I cannot contain it all. I cannot focus on my paper tomorrow. What the hell am I doing to my life?

It is just so wrecked as of now. I feel so jaded and desperate. Desperate to find the answers to all the many many questions that haunted me for so long. I no longer feel for others as a human being. I feel like a inhumane monster now. I pen my thoughts in my blog as if I am suicidal. I don't want to spare a thought for others anymore. Why must I be so considerate towards people and suffer myself?

Man is selfish, and I fully agree on that. No doubt I am selfish too. But why can't I bring myself to be a bastard? I guess inside the corner of my mind remains a shred of conscience and consideration for others. I wish I can hurl verbal abuses to my blog. But I can't bring myself to. I am suffering from physical and emotional turmoil. Can't my emotions just leave me alone and let me live one day of my life peacefully? Can't I just be happy with what I have right now? NO! I am happy! But why must the ghosts of my past haunt me incessantly? I admit that I want to attract attention by blogging in this manner. I admit that I am a hypocrite who makes merry with his friends but feels so screwed inside. I admit that I am desperate for attention. But at the same time, I want to reject concern from my friends. Maybe you should just do something as simple as.......

leaving me alone. I hate this world.

And I hope the person who caused me all these will read my blog, somehow.

Poem. Just Another Poem.

Picked up the pieces of my broken self,
like fragments of memories, beaches' shells.
Walking aimlessly, pondering over things,
I've hit a dead end, no one can tell.

A shattered piece of me tells me I'm gone,
I moan for my pain, from dusk to dawn.
Love, hatred, sorrows and pains,
haunt me like ghosts; I feel withdrawn.

The Angel's wings has touched my heart.
With her hands of concern, sadness was cut.
Breath of love? Don't think so much.
Enjoy those moments when the demure smile lit up my dark.

I Think, Therefore I Am.

I think I had been far too hostile in my MSN nick and my Friendster profile. I should be more friendly.

I think I had been far too slack in my revision.

I think my life will be wonderful after my examinations. Except for anticipated cash flow problems.

A list of things-to-do after the papers:

1. Cycling to East Coast Park, write poems there and enjoy the sea breeze.
2. Attend courses to enrich myself.
3. Go gym, tan and swim regularly.
4. Chilling out with friends who drink and haven't drank with them yet.
5. Watching VCDs and lots of movies.
6. Look for a part-time job.
7. Focus on my planning for orientation and Sharity Camps.
8. Go shopping and drink coffee in town.
9. Make gifts.
10. Keep all my notes and reorganise my disorderly room.
11. Do some gardening.
12. Train for my IPPT.
13. Concentrate on driving lessons.
14. Focus on life issues and going after the one.

I think I sounded scary on the last point but anyway, I was just being frank.

Last but not least, get out of my little black box that I've been hiding in for the past 4 months.

How can one change overnight, or even over time for that matter, when so much so much had happened over this short duration of time?

It has been a struggle to juggle both revision and my mind recently. The conscientious mind knows what it is doing. The emotional mind is suppressing what has been running through my thoughts.

I realised the change in me for this year. In a very nasty and disgusting way I put it, she had changed me tremendously both of the better and for the worst. Perhaps I am hating her for this. But I am not bothered by anything else except for the fact that I had changed so much. So much so that I couldn't even recognise myself when I think back of the things that I had done.

Are my thoughts inducible or repressible?

It was a sucky paper this morning. What should come out NEVER did. And what shouldn't had come out DID. I deserve to lose that 36 marks.

I am running low on battery power. My shelf life is expiring. I need to recharge.

Oh where is my pillar of support and strength?

But something good happened today though.

That smile had made my day.

Kermit - My Newfound Friend.

Kermit The Frog is Green.
He was born on Leap Year Day (so they say).
His Voice and puppetry on Sesame Street at Least, was done by Jim Henson but is now done by Steve Whitmire.
His best friend is Grover Monster.
He is almost the only one with a built in smile.
He is also on Sesame Street, as a reporter.
On the Muppets he got married to Miss Piggy, and he has a nephew called Robin.

Another Fine Day.

Right. Just had my CEM 101 test this morning. And it was as good as not studying because the terms in there looked as foreign as Guinness Stout Foreign Extra.

Okay I'm lame.

Got to meet Shynie soon and pose as her colleague in a media event. God knows what it is all about. And Jimmy's joining me and Shynie for the night in Zouk!

I feel so restless after the morning test. I can't set my mind to my notes now. I can't wait for all these papers to end. It is a torture. As much as I know that the exams is a chance for me to perform, I just can't. Something's bogging me down, I don't know what. Something abstract, profound but yet simple. Yes I can feel its simplicity but I cannot fathom what it is all about.

I find blogging a dread recently because I am at a loss for words. But it is the only vent where my fumes of frustrations can gush out from.

Early twenties is where I am,

should be happy with no regrets.

Rush of adrenaline, hormones surge,

I am just a normal man.

Life takes me for a ride,

ups and downs, rollercoaster-like.

Had the passion, lost the motivation,

Lost my ego together with my pride.

School's such a dread, nostalgia rules.

Reminiscing of my adolescence, hiding away my apprehensions.

But the truth remains, I have to move.

"This world has no place for me, pack up and go."

I like this phrase, would like to do so.

But thinking of my commitment, passion and home,

somehow keeps me going, but kind of slow.

Who am I, on this strange planet?

filled with dreams, also with regrets.

Slogging and dragging my everyday,

I will survive this ugly phase.

Adios people.

Pack Up & Go. This World Has No Place For Me.

I've discovered a very interesting post on love from April's blog yesterday. Decided to leech that from her later on.

My mind is feeling heavy yet it feels so light although the examinations are drawing near. I can focus but I am distracted easily.

Shyna just showed me some posts from her closed blog last night. Will extract excerpts from there after my papers and crap about it. And I believe it would be interesting to see the responses from you people.

A few things I was pondering over when I was returning home from lunch just now.

1. Why do snails like to crawl on pavements and get stepped on by homosapiens?
2. Why do frogs like to stay on the pavement and jump away when you cycle past them?
3. Why do I have such a headache when I am reading through simple things but enjoyed reading through more difficult modules instead?

Lastly, 4. Why did that thing happen on 5th March 2002? Why, why and why? 1000X "why"s.

I think after my papers, I will go nuts. This period will be a time when I study so hard until half my life is gone. Probably after my papers, I will drink the other half of my life away. Probably.

I really envy those with self-discipline not to chat on MSN. Or even come online for that matter.

Oh where had my self-discipline went to?

I had the programmes all planned out for the holidays. And it seemed that it would be kind of packed. With meetings, plannings, outings, drinking, cycling, tanning, clubbing, slacking and not forgetting, stoning.

I want to cook for my loved one. I want to hug my loved one to sleep. I want to sacrifice my sleep for my loved one. I want to be there for my loved one when she needs me. I want to do so much so much. But circumstances do not allow that to happen.

Sucker for love? Sucker for relationships?

NEVER.

I've hidden my frustrations, my anger, my sadness, my melancholy, my happiness, my emotions, my everything and everything. When will I be myself again?

I miss Eric and Ivan and Alan. Good ol' drinking buddies cum soulmates whom you might never find again on Earth. Sorry to NIE people but I'm sad to say somehow, I can't fit much into the circle for most of you. I am a bad. As bad as you can see of me now, it is just the tip of the iceberg. Just don't try me or test my patience.

Awwwww I'm so bad to talk like this.

But do I look as if I give two hoots about it?

p.s. This blog expresses no melancholy but only sarcasm and openness to the author's surroundings. Any misunderstandings or unhappiness won't be taken into account by the author.

Fat Frog.

I think I am getting fat from overeating. And all the good food for the past few weeks. But I can't help it.

I feel so restless and lethargic. Can't get to my notes. Maybe the reason lies in that I can't find the answers to my revision exercise. Maybe I am just stupid.

Or maybe I just can't be bothered.

I have many visitors to my blog, but somehow I don't know who are they. Especially one who is using PacNet. Can you tell me who you are?

I am at the second set of notes, out of 5 sets that I have to study. And Dr. Koh gave us over 40 questions of long answer questions.

How the hell can one ever finish it?

I feel so tired. I just want to sleep. My mind is heavy with air again. Or with thoughts that I shouldn't have. But well, at least I do prioritise my stuff.

I shall blog again!

Pretty In Bright Colours.

Met up with Shynie and Mac for dinner last night at Cafe Cartel before we decided to chill at Shynie's place with some booze. Please look at the picture below.

And Mac was so resistant and reluctant to go.

Resistance is futile.

So we bitched about things at her place and Shynie and i managed to trick Mac into drinking some of the booze. It was fun catching up with old friends of mine and i hope this would not be just a one-time event.

And freak accidents happened at her place. No we didn't have a threesome but Shynie was so happening while she opened up the bottle of 7-Up. If i had a digital camera there and then i would had taken a shot of how the foam spurted around her makeshift table. That was the first one.

The second freak accident happened when the cap of the Vodka Citron dropped into my drink when i was capping it back. And they made me drink my last cup with at least 1/4 of vodka added to my orange juice. I think it's close to half a glass than a quarter only.

Eating at Cartel brought back sweet memories. And those are memories which i hope not to forget.

Now where is my lunch? I can't believe that i've blogged for three times in less than 12 hours.

I wished i could just blog for my examinations. I'm sure i'll score an A for it.

Looking good in green, orange and yellow.
Taken intentionally

*croaks*
Taken intentionally

Say Cheese!
Taken intentionally

Darn I look sooooooooooo cute in this...
Taken intentionally

Bad Dreams.

I can never imagine it happened to me. I was dreaming that i ate two bowls of Laksa and was still hungry. Then the stall closed just before i want to get my third bowl. So i went back to sleep hoping that i could get my third bowl. Sadly it didn't happen.

The best thing that happened when I woke up, i went to the toilet straight. And it really felt as if i had two bowls of Laksa.

I'm now waiting for Mum to buy lunch back before i go full swing into my revision.

Dreams shall always be beautiful. It is only when we dream that we can safely fantasize about things which might most probably not happen in life.

Dreams are forms of harmless fantasies that always stay in our minds.

Croaking.

I can't believe what went into me just now again.

Adrenaline rush + estatic emotions + waves of anxiety + unimaginable words + a shuddering heart

All these added up to what we call...

*Accidental Declaration*

But well, i felt so much at ease for once. And i really hope things will stay the same.

I shall talk about the outing after Shyna send me the picture that we took at her place. I love cool colours like yellow, green and orange.

For now, good night and God bless all my friends.

Interesting Quotes.

Here's some interesting quotes that I've found.

Enjoy.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.' -- Jack Handey

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
--Ann Landers

Drink what you want, drink what you're able. If you are drinking with me, you'll be under the table

The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it. --Sir Winston Churchill

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
--Robert A. Heinlein

Starkle, starkle little twink, who da hell you are i think. I'm not as drunk as some thinkle peep I am. Besides I've only had tee martoonies and all day sober to Sunday up in. I fool so feelish, i don't know whos me yet, but the drunker I sit here, the longer I get.

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship--never
--Charles Caleb Colton

The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.
-- George Moore

When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.
-- Natalie Clifford Barney

Men love because they are afraid of themselves, afraid of the loneliness that lives in them, and need someone in whom they can lose themselves as smoke loses itself in the sky.
-- V.F. Calverton

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
-- Oprah Winfrey

All love that has not friendship for its base,is like a mansion built upon the sand.
-- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

La La La...

I just discovered something, that drinking coffee makes me sleepy with the effects coming in slowly within a 4-hour time frame.

Just showered and can't really get to sleep. So i decided to crap on nothing again.

Right.

Trust is one big issue that everyone shouldn't break. Because in the first place, it isn't easy to build it up and once broken, perhaps you can't never mend it back. Even if you could, things will not be as perfect as ever.

Darn me. I just never learn my lesson well enough.

My body is aching from the gymming session two days ago. So achy that I could hardly scrub my body when I shower. And Eric have a nice post of a BIG, humongous beer barrel in his blog. I simply love that.

My life will be full of monotony with abit of melancholy until the examinations are over. Saturday shall be the last day of slacking. And studying shall be of paramount priority from then.

I wish all my close friends, study buddies *winks* the best in their revision.

And a piece of advice for Anqi; don't let your parents down. Believe in yourself. You will definitely make it.

For my brothers, we had went through the ups and downs (though we are still going through nowadays) together, been through thick and thin and the what-nots. Believe in ourselves and live our lives the way it should be.

Don't ever look back into the past. Yes it held sweet memories, but sweet memories also bring the tinge of sadness along.

I had forgotten it all.

Good night people and may God bless you all.

Misconceptions.

Okay people...i guess some of my melancholic posts had misled you guys. I'm not melancholic over my past relationship anymore. It is about something else.

Hope this clears the air if there are obscurities around.

Fathoming...

Sometimes I really don't understand a lot of things.

I am not bothered by it, but I just want to bitch about things somehow.

Scenario:

You are driving happily on the road towards city because you know that you will be very happy in the city forever. Then you find yourself driving towards a bridge. And you saw the bridge breaking up because there is a big ship trying to sail past it.

But you enjoy driving so much that you don't want to stop and just drove straight past the barrier and down you go into the sea.

Because you simply like the thrill of doing so without considering what is the main purpose of the driving trip in this context.

----- End of story ----

Do you enjoy doing things that are suicidal to your happiness? I rather wait till the bridge comes down and go smoothly to the other side where I know I will find true and eternal happiness.

Some forms of enjoyment and cheap thrills don't last.

And once you made the decision to go for these types of happiness, the price is damn heavy to pay.

Price: Guilt and remorse, perhaps all your life.

Blogging....

Okay, as promised i shall blog after i wake up.

Just that it's not in the morning though.

My body is aching from gyming yesterday. Today I got to settle down and prepare for my revision. I am finally revising my work.

I feel so full now. I had became a coffeeholic. I can't study without my first cup of coffee in the morning. Argh!

Went to Tanjong Pagar with Jimmy and Max last night because it was Vannesa's birthday. And ironically, she was my primary school classmate whom Jimmy knew since last year.

This is simply a small small world.

And i drove Jimmy's car around his carpark last night! I feel so pro driving his car after drinking.

Okay, this Saturday will be the last day chilling out with friends.

F r o g is happy with his life as on now.

Erm?

Okay, in any case you see this "pseudo" blog, this is to inform you that I will be blogging tomorrow morning when i wake up.

I am simply so tired now.

Courtesy of Jimmy who brought me out when i thought i could cycle for tonight.

Adios.

Blogadisiac.

Sometimes i just get so sick of thinking for a title for my post everyday. So perhaps I'll just give it some dumb names like it is for today.

Had a nice steamboat dinner with NIE buddies. Splurged $25 over a meal which was not really fulfilling but yet filling only.

Got home half an hour ago, and listened to Tong Hua for close to an hour now. Simply love that song for now.

Finally all deadlines are over and i only have my revision to worry about. I guess that shouldn't pose much of a problem.

I feel so happy and blessed for Tze Theng and Joyce, who are still happily attached now since 3 years ago. I don't know why but i felt so comforted when i see them smiling and laughing away with each other at Bliss three nights ago.

A lot had happened for this past one week. I think i should just be myself and be nonchalent somehow. I really see no point in all these nonsensical things anymore. I should just let things fall into place naturally and see if things do work out after all.

Enjoy those memories while you can, for you never know it may turn bitter the next moment.

Orchids. Darn.

Keywords used for this assignment during Google Search.

1. Orchids
2. HOX genes and orchids.
3. Genetic patterning in orchids.
4. Genetic patterning in flowers.
5. Genetic patterning in flowering plants.
6. Homeotic genes in orchids.
7. Class 1 knox genes
8. genetic history of orchids.
9. MADS-box and class 1 knox genes
10. Development of orchids.
11. HOX genes in orchids.
12. HOX genes and flowering.
13. HOX genes in orchids.
14. Fucking orchids.
15. Stupid orchids.

Non of which gave me what I wanted.

That's all I have to bitch for now.

Woke Up With A Heavy Mind.

Dragged myself out of bed just now because I don't want to get a headache from sleeping too much. And my head feels so heavy now.

No it's not the alcohol last night. It's just me.

I feel so dazed and stoned now. Thinking of our past conversations, I guess I shouldn't go on putting so much emotion in things.

Things are just normal after all. And normal it will be for very, very long.

As much as I've told myself, "Brace yourself up, it is only a passing feeling," it doesn't seemed to be the case of passing feelings.

Erm, just heck it.

It's turning out just another day

I took a shower and I went on my way

I stopped there as usual, had a coffee and pie

when I turned to leave I couldn't believe my eyes

Standing there I didn't know what to say

without one touch we stood there face to face

(And) I was dying inside to hold you

I couldn't believe what I felt for you

dying inside I was dying inside

but I couldn't bring myself to touch you

You said hello then you asked my name

I didn't know if I should go all the way

inside I felt my life have really changed

I knew that it would never be the same

Standing there I didn't know what to say

first time looked away when I whispered your name

One hello changed my life

I didn't believe in love at first sight

but you've shown me what is life

and I now i know my love (I know it's coming right)

I Can't Be Nonchalent.

I tried to be nonchalent about things happening around me just now.

But I can't.

I don't know what went into me in Devil's Bar just now.

Got out of that place by 2.00am because it was too awkward already.

And I don't know what went into me while I waited for an hour for someone just now.

And I don't know what went into me when I was talking to them and saw him doing something.

Sometimes, I just don't know what went into me. Perhaps it's the alcohol.

but the problem is, I'm still sober right now as I blog.

To try, or not to try?

I think I'm missing someone now....

"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action."
-- Benjamin Disraeli

Tired. Two More Nights.

Had a pretty screwed up driving lesson two days ago. Engine stalled again. But it was only once.

Bloody car horned at me when i stopped at the left turn suddenly. Heck it.

Was feeling really pissed about myself. Can't even focus and concentrate. What was wrong with me?

Went to Pacific Coffee Company and did some work with Spencer. And yup, they sell Esprit's Passionfruit Sparkling Drink. Yippee!

Found out that people had been bitching behind my back in school again. Just hate it when some people have nothing better to do.

Today is bad, struggling to finish up CEM 101 project. Deadline due in less than 7 hours with effect from now. Got to do some retail therapy to destress after submission tomorrow.

I decided not to be so melancholic over myself anymore. Yes my life is sad, but I shan't bitch much about it. It's just contenting enough to know there are people who will stand by me and carry me through this very-early-mid-life-crisis. I saw mid-life crisis though i'm still 21 because i think i'm going to die young. After all, i'm just a simple frog.

Good morning Singapore!