Random Thoughts.

Thoughts about her had been running through my mind just now as I was drinking. Sometimes I think I just can't get enough of her.

For your information, we are just friends.

Although things are getting better by the days, I still can't help but to switch back to melancholy when I drink. Anybody can tell me why?

A lot of questions ran through my mind just now. Questions which are highly rational but yet too early to answer.

Good morning people.

Sigh-est.

Depressed. 'Nuff said.
Taken intentionally

Tormenting.

I feel tormented again. How come I got only a silver when the rest of the stations went on so well?

But it was considered not bad since I can still achieve a silver after running two months ago in the past five months. And my shuttle run and broad jump improved. Surprisingly.

No I didn't take any steroids because I am a good boy, as always.

Club matters, school matters, friends matters but the thing I am most concerned about is, love shouldn't really matter now.

I foresee an aching body tomorrow which requires intensive servicing.

Time for an early night. Damn.

Monotony.

To break the monotony from endless poems, I decided to blog in proper sentences again.

Life's just gotten interesting days ago. Some of you might know the reason why.

And the first day of school was exciting! Knew new friends from the orientation and formed some new clicks in lecture groups. It is like walking around in school and wherever you are, you are bound to see people you know. And had a prelude to how some of the lectures are going to be like.

BORING.

Had a new hairdo in order to change my looks. Doesn't seemed to change alot of it though some of my friends said it is nice. I think I am going to get a second time of rebonding before I highlight my hair. Suggestions for colours?

And I am freaking taking my IPPT later on. No training, no nothing. If I can still hit a gold, I must be the miracle of the year.

I miss roller-blading and I miss Bedok Jetty.

And club work is going to start soon. Anyway, my birthday is coming but no wishes this year. What I wish for will most probably not come true anyway. Whatever.

This will be a tiring week. Will be back with more poems, updates and melancholic exciting news.

Eh Bro Jim Jim, this Saturday you must help me drink. Whoever wants to drink with me must make you drop first!

Let me think of what I want for my birthday this year.

1. Nokia 6680
2. Nokia 6680
3. Nokia 6680
4. A maid to clear up my organisational and physical mess in my room.
5. PlayStation Portable
6. But essentially, a new Nokia 3G mobile.

Do they seemed a lot?

Good morning people, and wish me luck for my IPPT later on. *Sigh-est*

Waiting.

A world full of traps, dangers and risks.
Never know if the next moment will twist.
Investments can be made confidently and with ease,
but might bring along loads of sadness and grief.

An emotional investment is a painful thing,
with no confirmation and guarantee.
Time can prove everything, this I believe.
But lengthy periods can spoil all gifts.

Where is the security in these waitings?
Only to see dust after the ending.
Only to see hope brightening and growing,
only to see all diminish and withering.

Festered and tormented while anticipating,
Only God knows what the future will bring.
Only God knows all my forthcomings,
only He knows how she thinks.

A wait likened to the coming of dreams,
expecting the moment of subtle reverie.
Only to perish when the alarm clock rings,
a painful wait all comes to nothing.

Lady In Pink.

Facets of memories run through my mind,
my soul is jaded, my mind is dry.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak,
I can't stop the pounding, I can't stop the grind.

Lady in pink, please tell me why.
Why I had became better yet it arised.
Possessiveness still elicit since the olden times,
over someone I can't control and tie.

I can't express to anyone this unhappiness of my life,
except to this blog which doesn't question why.
Lady in pink, please soothe my excited guise,
I am not willing to fork out that painful price.

Lady in pink, please tell me why.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, I don't know why things just came abruptly into my mind. Some said I'm sentimental. Some said I'm dumb.

But that is just me.

I did stupid things again just now.

Sometimes when I am freaking sober, I think about good things but less realistic. Sometimes when I drink, I tend to be more melancholic but realistic.

And now I believe the realism in me when I drink is justifiable because those facts reflect more of reality than perfect conditions.

It is good to lose hope than to gain hope.

I'm having a headache now, literally.

The mug as clear as crystal,
my mind as distraught as hell.
Who knows a drop so little,
can make one reflect and tell.

Still lost like a sheep,
the shepherd didn't find.
Wandered to the edge of the cliff,
trying to find the ending that rhymes.

Took the easy way out,
seemed that it doesn't help.
Took the easy way out,
stupidly made me feel proud.

Lose the faith and the hope,
creeping away and I can't cope.
I've lost the power to withhold,
God bless my broken road.

We looked almost as tall as each other!
Taken intentionally

Up close & personal.
Taken intentionally

Finally, a decent picture with the girls.
Taken intentionally

Ron Stoppable with the Power Puff Girls!
Taken intentionally

Ron Stoppable, Violet and Dylan Natalie! I think I looked so darn champion in this picture.
Taken intentionally

Ron Stoppable with Dylan (Khad) from Charlie's Angels and Violet (Sharon). Bringing you Operation Stomp-Through Committee!
Taken intentionally

Kim Possible have big and beautiful eyes. And Ron Stoppable has Rufus on his shirt!
Taken intentionally

Dumb-looking Ron Stoppable & Kim Possible with their ever-reddish pom-poms. Or wigs?
Taken intentionally

The Champions OPMC! Guess our Superhero identities?
Taken intentionally

Updates.

Alright, the orientation camp was finally over and indeed I feel a sense of achievement over the whole thing. because my activity went on just fine, except for the darn rain during mid noon on Tuesday.

Had really fun times with my OPMC (Orientation Planning Main Committee) members, especially Kimberly, Sharon, Khadijah, Rozi, Hock Siang, Lixun, Renee, Sarah, Ana, and lots more. Really want to thank them for the great support, feedback and advice that they had given me, especially Kim Possible, Sharon and Hock Siang. Thank you people, for making this camp such an enjoyable and not to mention, the best one out of all the camps I had attended!

Three cheers for NIE!

And pictures will be up soon, so don't worry peeps.

And a personal message to Anqi; don't worry about your birthday party. It will go just fine..=)

Yes nowadays, my heart had been yearning. And unyielding to logical sense. Oh well.

Got to know some news about my club for this new semestral year. Yah I am getting a promotion, however, with no salary rise though.

School is reopening and I am still not quite ready about it at all.

And my birthday? Coming soon but with no excitement at all. Guess it is just another year out of the 22 years I have. And I want to bitch about something.

8/10 freshies said I am 26 and 27 instead of 22. Do I really look that old?

Now I really believe in the saying that thinking far beyond your age makes you look older than you are.

Good night people.

Hmm. Thoughts Again.

A long holiday had came thus far,
ending soon with fun never enough.
Problems arise and issues uncast,
all come to null and come to pass.

I look at myself and ask, "what had I done?"
From the dawn to the passing of dusk.
Told myself a new life is a must,
but the conviction is never there; I've been wearing a mask.

This time I wonder, am I following my heart?
Afraid to be hurt again after fulfilling my part.
The risk now I take, all prepared to be cut,
I will live with no regrets, I will try my luck.

I will put in effort, as small as it seems,
I will put in love, as much as I can give.
I will put in trust, hope that she can see.
I hope she appreciates and again love me.

Thank You.

Thank you for the joy you gave me just now,
I never felt so happy though with your smile so mild.
Thank you for the smile just now,
I can never get enough of the sweetness even till now.

I had longed to see that sweetness in you,
can't believe that just now it came true.
I had longed to see the pureness in you,
now I can sense that it's real.

I want to thank you for making my night so meaningful,
although we might not be together our lives through.
Thank you for making my night without blues,
I say "I love you", and I know it's true.

If Only.

If only life is a dread,
which I can easily forget.
If only life is not a fact,
then I won't live with regrets.

If only she knows about it,
I will feel relieved.
If only she knows my feelings,
I will take the lead.

If only she knows I misses her,
my life is not wasted on Earth.
If only she knows I still feel love,
a love with an entire rebirth.

If only I could tell her all these,
my heart will sleep with ease.
If only I could stop thinking,
but all these are "if only"s......

Hypocrite.

I feel so hypocritical. Two nights ago I wrote a poem to her, saying I have no more feelings for her.

See what happened right now?

I deserved to be scolded.

Words.

Words are simple, words are heard.
Talk is cheap and talk is dirt.
Thinking about your words my mind just churns.
Thinking about your words my heart feels hurt.

Sentence after sentence our windows exchanged.
Thoughts after thoughts I still felt chained.
Can't decipher the little words that you say,
can't comprehend the meanings they're meant to make.

I learnt to be numb, I learnt to feel dumb.
I felt that it's impossible, I felt that I can't.
Fuck those moments, the moments of dance.
Fuck the memories, forget the months.

My heart is dampened, likened to the mould.
Feelings are rampant, but yet untold.
I end my story with this poem so emotional,
I want to be myself, I want to grow.

Mistakes

I drifted accidentally, and floated in front of your nonchalant eyes.
What are gold and riches although they bring me a good life?
I always thought I had left but actually I never did comply.

One will always escape from the looming tower of sadness.
One will definitely be happy but with a tinge of depression.
When the cold winds blow, actually the dreams had long disappeared.

It is me who cannot let go, reluctantly holding onto dreams

Truth and lies, love and hatred,
staying or leaving, but still mistakes are created.
Many people, many emotions we encountered,
all had gone, cannot be forced and left me perturbed.

Looking back at me with your usual smile,
just to see my face that has been to Hell.
I don't know what to say, but I'm sure you can tell.

Feelings are deep, feelings are strong,
feelings are real, but still they proved wrong.
Time to give up, but still hard to move on.
A dying heart, with nothing left to mourn.

Feelings sway but what good it does?
In the end the lonesome one dies like dragonflies during the dusk.

Oh Big Tree.

Sunny days, cooling breeze.

Splashing waves, rustling leaves.

Happy families, kids laughing.

But what happened to the lonely tree?

Standing majestically after a storm,

recuperating gradually although it took long.

Roots entrenched in the grounds so warm,

but what happened to the tree so strong?

One calm day a gentle storm came,

just some winds without any rain.

The tree thought it could withstand and contain,

but seemed that it felt the pains again.

Oh big tree, oh big tree, what had gone wrong?

Had you always thought the memories were gone?
Had you thought your heart has always been strong?
But why won't you think that you are being forced,
forced to forget all that you wish were yours.

Oh big tree, oh big tree, what had gone wrong?

Had you always wished those times still go on?
Had you wished those times will last long?
But why won't you get yourself involved,
so as to fight for what you always long for.

Oh big tree, oh big tree, what had gone wrong?

The storm which brew up finally swayed your thoughts.
So gentle it was, yet I fathom it not.
Why did you let the storm sway your thoughts?

Meeting You.

Meeting you made my life beautiful,
I saw beautiful summers like our love that were so real.
The love you had given so true.

Leaving me with your head bowed low,
I saw the past like choking smoke so cold,
sweetness of the past turning into mould.

The smile that still remained as sweet,
the future never to be seeked.
The past that was once so completed,
at this moment, have you even regretted?

Finally you left me, bringing away my love for you.
You took my happiness and flew to other skies so blue,
leaving me with all the emotional bruise,
Finally you left taking away my love for you.

Fire.

Playing with fire is dangerous. It can burn down your home and all your precious things.

Leaving you with nothing at all.

But well, sometimes things got to be learnt the hard way.

This got to be the shortest post I've ever posted.

Bring-home message: NEVER play with fire. You can get burnt unknowingly.

Good night people.

Last. But Not Least.

It has been long since I talked about my inner self. Because most of the time when I did so, froggy's critics will start to disturb me again. So I chose to mellow down a little for the time being. After all, there was nothing much I could talk about.

I had really sorted myself out this time round and that is the reason why I decided to talk about my emotions again. I happened to view her blog and I thought I should clarify some things. Yes, in the form of a poem again. Being poetic brings out the artist in me. Ha!

This poem, titled " Seasons of Surrealism", I dedicate to my ex-girlfriend, Anqi.

Months had passed, seasons had changed.
I am no different, I am still the same.
I learnt to let go, and learnt to forgive.
I hope you'd learn too, in order to receive.

I tried my very best, but to no avail.
You had left my life, with my heart reduced.
Yes I admit, I was totally shattered.
But time had healed me, and made me better.

I've lost all feelings a week ago.
I felt so relieved; no more burden to hold.
All these while I've treated you as a friend,
not doing anything to please you, but just to lend a helping hand.

You don't have to feel sandwiched, I am telling you.
My feelings for you is no more, I promise it is true.
I'm in my new dimension, which I'm happily residing in.
Move on in your life, make the best out of it.

Good night people.

It Was A Good Day.

It was a good day in school today. The Vice-Principal is a nice lady and the teachers there bo hew the trainee teachers on school experience, which is a good thing. However, the drawback of having to reach school and sign in by 7.15am is still kinda sian. The pros are that there is internet connection right in front of my temporary desk and I get to go home after 1.00pm.

Sigh, contact time tomorrow though. I wonder what time will it end.

The kids are adorable. Here is one cute conversation that took place during the Shared Book Activity (still remember the times when the teacher reads a story from a BIG book to the class?).

Teacher: Is everything in the supermarket free?

Student: No!

Teacher: Why so?

Student: Because there are cashiers!

Nowadays, primary education has a cutting edge over the past. Imagine students presenting answers using a visualiser and the teacher using PowerPoint presentations for the lessons.

And one funny thing that happened during assembly. We all recited the National Pledge in Mandarin! Now I'm really stunned.

And the boys were quite well-bahaved. Probably it is due to the absence of the female counterpart. And every single student who did not bring along their PE top for lesson are required to be half naked for the lesson. NO ONE is spared. P1 to P6. Scary.

And I would really love to know who is the ChioBu who tagged.

Good night people.

I wonder if they have a fetish with the Merlion.
Taken intentionally

Ah. Forgotten to post this last night so here you go.
Taken intentionally

Oh Boy.

Man am I excited about tomorrow's school experience!

Before I attempt to sleep EARLY, I shall blog once again.

Was shopping in town just now when I saw a funny sight. It brought me back to the time when I went to India and visted the Taj Mahal. There're a lot of photographer-wannabes who said that you can "hold" the Taj Mahal and take a picture.

Sadly I don't have one for remembrance.

But anyway, our dear tourists today were doing a "replica" for our Singapore signature statue, the Merlion. Just look at it and be as amused as I am (right now I'm still amused though).

Bought a small FX Creations sling bag at $53.10. Felt a little sore about it but the bag really look nice.

And there are two things I want to get off my mind before I sleep. Firstly, I've been receiving weird stares even in the toilet. Either my eyes were tired or he's trying to peep while we were relieving at the urinals. And I see some people in shopping malls staring at me as if I am an alien. Ya and Jimmy will say, expectedly, "must be your acne lah!"

What's new?

The second thing is that two foreigners asked me for directions in different parts of town. One Indian and one don't-know-how-to-speak-Mandarin-and-English-but-looks-like-a-Chinese lady. Do I have something on my head saying "Ask me, I am a Singapore street directory?"

I wasn't pissed about it but just felt that it was quite "happening".

Just another day in my life. Good night people.

How Bad, How Bad.

Just realised that Ops Stomp-Through is coming soon. In a matter of about 14 days.

How bad can the day be when you suddenly realised work is stacking up high?

I want to get away from this hectic world.

And I want to complain. I have to report to school every morning by 7.10 am, and the walking in is enough to make you sweat and take a shower again.

$%#%@%@$$%@#$!!

Anyway, did saw a pretty PE teacher there. She looks older than me (duh).

Abit nervous for what is to come on Tuesday.

I feel that I've lost the verve for blogging. Nothing interesting seemed to come out of me these few days.

Good night lah.