My blog is a blog is my blog...: January 2005

The Merlion is my idol. Taken from the open space on the Esplanade.

Having a hot time. Steamboating.

Chocolates from LTA Soh's wedding lunch. They melted. *sigh*

New hairstyle for my newly highlighted hair.

Now where did i take this picture?

In a state of spastic dismay.

Obviously we are happy after Swenson-ing.

I love this picture.

Wide grin and a pouty mouth.

She is taking advantage of me.

Clubbing at CB

. . .

She love fruits.

She is happy with my Pentax Optio.

It is the time of the month again.

I can finally picture myself sitting down in front of my computer with blogspot.com loaded in front of me today. 2 weeks of pure laziness and bliss had totally cut me off from blogging. Leeme look at my pictures to see what exactly happened to me for this past two weeks...

Okie, went for steamboat with her at Joaquim Lounge in Suntec. You know the nice, aromatic smell you catch more than a whiff at when you walk past Polo Ralph everytime? Yea dude, that's it. Will post some pictures up on this el-cheapo steamboat which costs both of us only 34 bucks (i think). After that steamboat, went for a walk along Esplanade at the river side. It was really sad to go back there with my loved one just to feel the nostalgia of the breakup. Life is really, really so uncomprehensible and elusive. Yah and after that we went into the Esplanade, walked around and took some pictures. Some pictures that she will kill me for posting them. However, prints can be ordered at S$0.50 per piece. Msn me for more details.

Oh and i finally cased my sword after 2 years of laying still in my wadrobe. The damage was S$175. Felt the numbness in my heart after pressing my PIN unwillingly. But well, heck.

What happened was all basically hunting for CNY clothes. I got no idea as to how should i dress for it. But well, heck it. Shall be out and hunt for the clothes tomorrow again.

We also went to Chinablack on the eve of Haji. Haha..wasted 30 bucks on the tickets and didn't enjoy it. Beer was expensive after 12.

Lessons learnt: 1. Don't go clubbing with your girlfriend alone.

2. Don't attend bashes with your girlfriend alone.

Went for supper at Swenson's. The damage was quite high though. With the cab fare and stuff it amounted to $100 spent in the night.

When is the pay for February coming in?

I think the highlight for these two weeks is another break up incident that happened to one of my close buddies. Things felt far too similar and shocking. Beyond recognition. Heaven really like to make sports of people. I literally sank into his emotions as well and thoughts ran through my mind. Yes i went through the shit before but how can i be sure that shit doesn't happen to me again? Apprehension hung in the air as we talked about that past relationship. Alcohol is a source of reality-evasion. But at the end of the day, you know that things remain.

Sometimes, somehow, i still give much thought to my relationship even till today, when things are alright already. I don't know when that rainy day will come. Today? Tomorrow? I will never know.

Sometimes i agitate her, i piss her off but i always take it for granted that things will be restored to normality again. Nowadays i think i am beginnning to think this way again. This is bad. But i always don't understand why sometimes, she can be so hot tempered towards me. Yes i must agree that i am one guy who only realises his contradictions after he created shit. I mean sometimes if you love someone and you know that it is his characteristic to do so, isn't things better off if we can both accommodate and compromise without blowing things up?

That buddy of mine told me, "You must be able to give and take in a relationship. To be together is to accept each others' differences; to accommodate and compromise so that this relationship can last." I think i had seen through things and can better compromise. But i also realised one thing in a relationship. What you give is not what you take. What you reap is not what you sow. This harsh fact is painfully, very painfully, etched in one small corner of my heart. Moreover, if things are not meant to be, no point harping over it. There is so much, so much about life to be explored.

People around me should know, when it comes to friends and the other half, sometimes i can be more inclined to the former than the latter because i know that friends are always there for me when i needed them. When they are in their lowest state, i think it's time to play my part. Yes i give my other half 101%, but i give my friends 102% if there is a need to. But sadly, this personality of mine is not that appealing to her.

I think i shall try and find a song of the day and post it up.

Adios people. And i love ya all out there.

Tired + Tired + Tired = Super Tired

Okie, blogging at this unlikely hour seemed extraordinary for me. But ya, it is extremely boring in this Maths class. Imagine staring into the computer early in the morning when you don't have the energy to and your eyes are so dry it feels it's going to disappear any moment.

*Yawns*

How boring is Excel.. Can someone empathise with me? I can't wait for Haji to come. It's a super long weekend....*grinz*

FInally i can feel some loving from her. That is very good. Well, time to go for the next class.

Hurhur.

Enjoy.

Shadows of life..

Sometimes, no matter how good things turn out, shadows will still hide in some corners of your heart, waiting to resurface. Emotional scars you may call it, and it is unremovable. Both in me and her. How possible is it to remove them? By shining the light of love on it? Speaking in terms of physics, that is impossible. Only when there is no light at all, then they will be no existence of shadows. But how can one live in shadows for the rest of his/her life? Wouldn't it be tantamount to self suicidal?

Shadows are just like time bombs, waiting to be discovered and defused. I really wish that I won't be able to find my own time bombs because I know i cannot defuse them. Instead i will disappear into pieces. Pieces of me flying all over. How terrible can that be?

Reflections after reflections of the bad things i've done in the past reminisces in me from time to time. Guilt and remorsefulness fill me up. I need salvation from all these.

If only life can stop forever in adolescence, how good would that be.

It's a good tanning day today.

Well well, finally managed to open this damn page and write a blog after so many days of non-blogging. Tell you the reason why i blogged tonight. I am bored. As per normal.

Somehow i have a feeling you people out there are SICK. Sick of my lamentings and stuff. But you chose to view my blog. I didn't force you at point-blank did i? =)

Got a new song for this blog. Hopelessly romantic i must say. This song speaks of what i feel sometimes when i miss her so much. I will really go the distance for her. And i realised one thing about my blog. You people visit it and perhaps you guys can leave some comments or what? Ya cos sometimes i want to know how you people feel about me too.

Three weeks had almost passed since we've patched back. Things look normal as it is and looking at it now, it's going to be happy for years to come (i hope).

I was talking with this galfriend of mine about her relationship problems recently when i found out that based on my personal experience, i can really advise her on things. Somehow, i felt it was a good thing that I didn't stay in hall. Guys might really change during this transitive phase of army to hall life. It showed me how other guys can take their other half for granted. Somehow i feel that it is always important, from time to time, to take some moments of your life off and dedicate it to your loved ones, appreciating them for all they had done for you. Only then can we understand the essence of true love and not taking them for granted. Personally, i must admit that i freaking took her for granted, as if she's going to be my wife in future. Things don't work that way. A relationship is just like a garden; it needs constant watering, trimming and care, coupled with a lot of dedication and love.

A short and simple note to those out there who feel that they had been taken for granted:

She might not love you the way you wanted her to, but that doesn't mean she don't love you with all her heart and soul.

However, i'm still trying to comprehend this simple yet meaningful note.

Got a pretty nice tan (and tan lines) after gyming today at Hougang. Kind of totally burnt. But i think it's nice. Do you guys think i'm really thin? There had been much complaints about my physique and hence i decided to do something about it. Trying to firm up those flabs and get more meat, but i metabolise my food so damn fast that i am at a loss of what to do next. Help me please...

Been wanting to format my computer because there's too much shit inside. But i'm just too plain lazy. And now i want to bitch about school.

My Biology tutors are boring us to tears. One is an auntie with a Ph.d, and the other one is a professor from Malaysia. Can't concentrate on their lessons. And the Auntie wants us to submit weekly assignments. Auntie also knows how to "chu pattern". *Sigh*

Actually i saw some stuff today that i want to bitch about, but i forgotten them all.

My muscles are aching. Can someone ask Anqi to give me a massage?

This is one magical word. You people taking CTE 102 and English as your AS should have a look.

F*ck is perhaps one of the most interesting and exciting words in the English language. F*ck is the one magical word which just by its sound can describe pleasure, pain, hate, and love.
In language, "f*ck" falls into many grammatical categories.
F*ck can be used as a verb both transitive (he f*cked her) and intransitive (she was f*cked by him).

an active verb (he really gives a f*ck),
a passive verb (she really doesn't give a f*ck),
an adverb (she is f*cking interested in him) and
a noun (she is a fine f*ck).
an adjective (she is f*cking beautiful).

As you can see there is a whole lot of real versatility with "f*ck". It pops up everywhere. Besides its sexual connotation, this lovely word can be used to describe many situations:

GREETING - How the f*ck are you?
FRAUD - I got f*cked by that crook;
DISMAY - Oh, f*ck it!;
TROUBLE - I'm f*cked now!;
CONFUSION - What the fuck?!;
AGGRESSION - "F*ck you!";
DISGUST - "F*ck me"
DESPAIR - F*cked again!;
PHILOSOPHY - "Who gives a f*ck?"
INCOMPETENCE - "He's a real f*ck-off";
DISPLEASURE - "What the f*ck is going on here?"
NUMEROLOGY - "Sixty-f*ckin'-nine";
LOST - "Where the f*ck are we?"
DISBELIEF - "Unf*ckingbelievable
RETALIATION - Up your f*cking ass!"
REBELLION - F*ck it!;
DISPLEASURE - What the f*ck's going on?;
SATISFACTION - f*ck me again!

Also as:
DESCRIPTIVE ANATOMY - "He's a f*ckin' asshole!"
TO TELL TIME - "It's six-f*cking-thirty."
PREDICTION - "Well, I'll be f*cked!"
A POLITICAL STATEMENT - "F*ck Washington"
INCESTUOUS - "Motherf*cker"
A PUT DOWN - "F*ck off, buster!"
ALL ENCOMPASSING - "F*ck 'em all!"
GOVERNMENTAL AFFAIRS - "Fuck the IRS"
A POKER HAND- "A royal f*ck"
TO START A RELATIONSHIP - "Let's f*ck now!"
AS AN ACCEPTANCE - "F*ckin' eh!"
ENJOYMENT - "F*ckin' Wow!" "
A CLOSING - "F*ckingly yours".
MATERNAL - "Motherf*cker"
POLITICAL - F*ck Clinton!!

English tutors will blow their top and faint if they see this.

Enjoy people.

School Finally Reopened.

School had started for a week. And as per normal, it is boring. Sleepy as well. Somehow, school had affected me adversely. Well anyway, anyone will say the same thing about school so i shall not bitch about it anymore.

The long awaited one-day break is finally here after two long days in school. Took my trusty little bicycle and went for some pratas at Jalan Kayu. Then Ah Theng flew my aeroplane. Supposed to meet her for a bottle of beer or two after dinner. And yah you guessed it. The plan fell through and so i'm drinking my pathetic last can of beer now. Gavin, if you happen to see this, you owe me a six-pack ya? =)

As i cycled through Punggol just now, pieces of memories came back to me. Brought me back to the time after we broke up. Felt the effects of the aftermath gushing to me very strongly. Though we are happily together again, i can't help but to think of the painfulness and devastated state i was in back then. Was really wondering if things are to end up that way again. Will i be able to take it as how i did? Can i forget everything in a short while, considering that the love now was so much more stronger than before? Questions after questions without answers filled my mind like water flowing into a bottomless pit without any source of exit. I felt melancholic and nostalgic. Just like drinking a very bitter concoction of herbs with the aftertaste staying within me forever. I guess i could never forget what i went through. Never ever forget.

I really cannot fathom how love works sometimes. I guess no one can. I only wish i can fathom what she is thinking at times when i need to know. I wished that this love will be unfalterable after all these obstacles that we had overcame, after all the bitterness and sweetness we tasted in this relationship and after all the effort both of us had put in.

Once again i reaffirm my love for her.

I love you dear.

A new life is here...

Yes, I've patched things up with her, finally. Though it wasn't long but things seemed like a year. Managed to catch up with her for some outings and was pretty happy with how things turned out. And pretty amazed as well. Thank God for everything.

Met up with her for dinner and movie. Kung Fu Hustle was funny. *Ha Ha Ha* Got some Twister Fries from Mac's...kinda love it because we had that in Genting too. The fond memories... Took a picture of us sharing the fries...looked kinda cliche though..haha!

Sometimes i still feel the insecurity although we are back together. I don't know how to explain this implicit feeling but sometimes it gets really strong enough to make me stone for a while. I guess this is the post patch-up syndrome. I mean i really wouldn't want to think about it but i just can't help things.

Apart from that, i really see a beautiful future with her...yes i might be thinking too far but that is my dream for 2 years plus and counting. This feeling is so strong that i can pick up my phone every now and then just to tell her how much i love her. Is this good or bad? I don't know.

Wish list for 2005:

1. Go Sentosa with her for some nice tanning before camping at Palawan Beach.

2. Celebrate our 3rd year together in a hotel with lotsa surprises and fun.

3. Plan her 21st birthday chalet for her.

4. Go overseas with her and have fun.

5. Go on a cruise together.

6. Cook her a sumptuous meal with prawns only. Since she loved them so much.

That's all for now. Wait till i think of more.

I love her.

Heard of file sharing? This is fries sharing.

No, I didn't force her to take the picture with me.

Happy and satisfied after the meal.

She is writing a letter of Commendation for the staff at Sakae Sushi, Bugis. Right.

This is my baby boy.

Back From Genting Highlands.

This trip proved to be rather fruitful. Though we didn't really enjoy the thrills that beheld in the theme parks (thanks to the heavy mists and strong winds), we did some shopping and ate alot man. Actually the essence of this blog is not to tell you people what Genting Highlands is all about because that is crap. Nonetheless some dumb pics will still be posted. And one more thing to tell you guys out there; I didn't bring anything gifts back. Yes. Because there is nothing to buy. What you want can be bought back here in Singapore. All i have is a bottle of fog from Gentings. You want it?

Things started off well when we started talking. It felt totally similar to the times before we broke up, almost comparable to the honeymoon period during our first month together in 2002. Okay, i told myself that could simply means she wants some beautiful memories before things get back to square one, so I didn't really care that much. She did tell me something the night before we meet up for the trip. "I think it will be really sweet if we are like couple couple like that. But i think that is stupid."

That phrase put a spark in my eyes, at the same time extinguishing it.

Nonetheless, i tried to bring back as much feelings as possible and we actually tried out being "back together again". Now that is really weird. And freaky to me at the same time. I was actually VERY hesitant and reluctant to do so but in that point of time, i just had to do whatever i can. Because i still love her alot. The reluctance was a result of my personal fear, afraid that i might not be able to take it if she really don't want to patch up after the trip.

I guess those 4 days were the happiest days in 2004/2005. And a good start for the new year ahead too. Life was fun hanging out with Anting and Anqi. I slowly feel myself sinking into new love again unknowingly. A new love that felt so innocent and fresh. A love that was so strong. I had forgotten the past. And indulging in her sweet, loving company.....

But still, i don't hope for so much.

All i felt is some loving feelings coming from here, but i cannot ascertain. How i wished time will just stop in those 4 days.

I shall wait and see...wait and see...and wait for this love to come back again...

Song of The Day. 品冠::明明很爱你

女: 有多少人在旁边我们都视而不见
彼此却忍不住多看几眼感觉强烈

女: 已经微笑的放电已经暗示到极限
没勇气的人犹豫的瞬间幸福就飘过面前

男: 我平凡无奇而你像灿烂星星让我担心

合: 明明很爱你明明想靠近
男: 但是你的身边有人捧花总是拥挤
我凭什幺一一打被情敌敢大声说要做你的唯一
女: 我的唯一

合: 明明很爱你明明想靠近 (明明很爱我明明想靠近)
为什幺还要浪费时间不把你抱紧 (为什幺还要浪费时间不把我抱紧)
够真心才是最厉害的武器 (够真心就是最厉害的武器)

我会拼命让你更满意 (你要拼命让我更满意)

女: 讲配不配太俗气说爱不爱要问心
爱由我们自己决定不必理跌破谁的眼镜