Song of The Day before i leave for M'sia. 爱已离开

这份爱　已经远去　记忆却不肯停
虽然努力地压抑　还是管不住自己的心
我无法一一地忘记　也不能够一一地放弃

这一切　不再延续　想念却不肯停
虽然努力地克制　还是关不紧自己的心
我无法完全的忘记　也不能够完全的放弃

So I'm Lonely 愈来愈清晰
就这么侵蚀这我　不曾安静的心
So I'm Lonely 充满每个夜里
紧紧地跟随　直到天明

爱已离开　经过了时间
我终于能够明白　爱不会再回来
爱已离开　经过了等待
我终于真的明白　爱不会再回来

Hope. Is there really hope?

Packed my bag and ready to move out to her place for the M'sia trip, I don't know my exact feelings now. Elated yet apprehensive of what is to come. I want to enjoy myself, and act as if everything's normal. Am i able to do it?

Downloaded some new songs into my mobile to clear my mood. Hope that it really does.

I wonder if there is any KTV lounges over there to sing at night. Woah.

The weather is bad today. Had been cloudy for 3 days.

Please help me God. I leave the trip into Your hands. Resigning to fate i had done so. Whether a new life lies ahead for me and her, let destiny and fate decree again.

I will be back guys. As i always say, watch this space.

Song of The Day by Leslie Cheung. 追

這一生　也在進取　這分鐘卻掛念誰
我會說　是唯獨你　不可失去

好風光　似幻似虛　誰明人生樂趣
我會說　為情為愛　仍然是對

誰比你重要　成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要　狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒

一追再追　只想追趕生命裡一分一秒
原來多麼可笑　你是真正目標
一追再追　追蹤一些生活最基本需要
原來早不缺少　WO

有了你　即使平凡卻最重要

好光陰　縱沒太多　一分鐘那又如何
會與你　共同渡過　都不枉過
瘋戀多　錯誤更多　如能重新做過
我會說　願能為你　提前做錯

誰比你重要　成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要　狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒

一追再追　只想追趕生命裡一分一秒
原來多麼可笑　你是真正目標
一追再追　追蹤一些生活最基本需要
原來早不缺少　WO
有了你　即使平凡卻最重要

只得你　會叫我彷彿人群裡最重要
有了你　即使沈睡了　也在笑

This is how important you are.

Little Thoughts At Fisherman's Village.

This place used to symbolise happiness and joy for me. Spending weekends here with parties and chilling out sessions. Now it had became a place of self-denial, hoping to drown unknowingly into the cold sea breeze, never-ending love songs and the sea of couples occupying my surrounding seats.

I don't deny that i like this place. Soothing music and the cool sea breeze. Laughter of groups sitting down drinking and the splashing of waves onto the beach. I can't help but to feel a sense of nostalgia as i sat beside the beach alone just now. As a matter of fact, i have mixed feelings about this place. This place makes me feel both relaxed and happy, yet remorse and strong guilt is overwhelming me at the same time....

Time for the chicken chop....*munch munch*

The chop was nice. I wish i could enjoy this meal with her. I miss her again. It's almost like one of S.H.E's song" Always On My Mind", literally. I wonder what is she doing now. I want to ask you guys something. Can a woman enjoy a life similar to singlehood's and yet still be lovingly attached? Any guy can give the other party a chance to live the life that she wants but is the counterpart ready, willing and able to let the guy feel assured, feel the warmth and the love of being in a relationship? If you ask me, I am willing to let my other half lead that kind of life, provided that she can assure me and let me have faith and trust in her. Things are just a matter of give and take. Things are just a matter of compromising for one another.

Ask me to make the girl love me more. I can. Ask me to regain faded feelings. I can try. I had tried. And i had failed. Terribly, considering the efforts that i've put in.

Time for "Song of The Day".

Little Thoughts At Fisherman's Village.

Song of The Day. 我的错 by B.A.D

Hey people. Whenever i post song of the day, it carries its individual meaning and how i really felt. Do read the lyrics. You might understand my feelings better. This song is a good example.

飞机已离开机场
你选择了前往你的方向
不再迷惘
忘了我们爱的过往
忘了我给你的伤, 学会坚强

从前的我不懂你牺牲多大
为我失去朋友不讲
还放弃了所有梦想
觉得没怎样 不会将心比心去想
让你慢慢慢慢失去了希望

能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你
我会仔细的聆听, 你对我说的一言一语
我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心
对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你

我想再重来一次
回到过去弥补你的伤, 没那种事
怎么做才能够停止
后悔竟伤你如此 不再放肆

为何总到失去才懂的难过
当你在我身边的时候, 总是为我默默守候
都是为我的错, 错过这难得的拥有
就让你爱我的心慢慢溜走

能不能够再给我机会好好的爱你
我会仔细的聆听, 你对我说的一言一语
我会学会去控制脾气不让你伤心
对你好好的去珍惜
请你相信我的心还是爱你

I dedicate this to Anqi.

Things That I've Realised.

A few things which i realised must be fulfilled in order to sustain a relationship:

1. Trust and freedom
2. Ability to compromise with each other.
3. Sweet, tender loving care.
4. The ability to give and take, ask and receive.
5. Don't do stupid things.
6. Mutual communication.

If things still go wrong, 1. there must be a thrd party, or 2. she had changed her idea of an ideal boyfriend which you cannot fulfil.

Sometimes, it really sets me pondering about how to sustain a relationship. All these things are the basics. But in the case of one party having the feelings faded, what can you do? I need the experts.

I believe i still stand a chance. But are things going to work out still? I am waiting and not waiting at the same time. I believe in fate and destiny. Fate had brought us together in Nov 1997 and separated us in Mar 1998. Fate had once again brought us together in Mar 2002 , and separated us in Dec 2004. Is this a cruel joke or just a test? Will it make us stronger if we get back together? Will we be separated again? My mind is full of questions and answers but i believe some of my answers are wrong. In fact, most.

A sense of apprehension surrounds me. If i give you freedom, will you give me trust? If i give you compromises, will you return it also? How strong are your feelings for me? Do u have feelings for me because of the things i do, or do you have feelings because of me. Just simple, plain me. Loving me for who i am. That is all i ask for.

Sometimes i think that life is a sickening joke. But life is interesting as well.

Joke No. 1:

Hong Da was cycling at night. He saw a snail on the ground. He braked and skidded and fell down so that he won't kill that snail.

Joke No. 2:

Hong Da.

Well, lameness sustains life. At least for me, that is what i think.

On the outlook, it seemed that i might had gotten over things. Happy, extrovertic and lame. But do you know what am I thinking about every minute and second?

I love William Su Yong Kang.

*choo choo*

Rain rain, go away, come again another day....

The day of supposed tanning is ruined. Can't tan tonight. Neither can i swim. I think i should go to the gym. Just received a call from Jing Han about their relationship's problems. A 4 months' old relationship, facing the same problem that i've faced with Anqi before during our first year together. How ironic that when girls love the guy deeply, they are able to compromise and give in some much, but when feelings fade off, they are unable to compromise and even try to heck what is guy is trying to do for her, even if it meant showing concern only.

Once in a while i will think of her. Like thinking of making breakfast for her again when i was showering yesterday. Like seeing her beside me in the morning when i woke up just now. Like going to Harbourfront early in the morning just to have dim sum with her. Is it all too late?

A piece of advice to all lovers out there. Communication is very important, the same goes to compromising for each other. It is only through these two things that mutual trust can play its important role in the relationship. Once these two factors are gone, trust me, the relationship is dead.

Time for lunch. Boring.

Song of The Day. "The Distance" by Evan and Jaron.

The sky has lost its color,
The sun has turned to grey.
At least that's how it feels to me,
Whenever you're away.

I crawl up in a corner ,
As I watch the minutes pass.
Each one brings me closer to,
The time when you'll be back,
You're coming back.

I can't take the distance,
I can't take the miles.
I can't take the time until the next time I see you smile.
I can't take the distance,
and I'm not ashamed.
That I can't take a breath without seeing your name.

I can brave a hurricane and still be standing tall when all the dust has settled down,
But I can't take the distance.

I still believe in feelings,
But sometimes I feel too much.
I make believe you're close to me.
But it ain't close enough,
Not nearly close enough.

(Realised the existence of this song after 4 years while sitting in CPT John's car just now at 12.35am)

I don't know why i took this picture. Maybe it looks like crap. But it's a peacock, so it couldn't be crap. Ok i am talking to myself.

Eric and his Sapporo.

Am i cool? Please tell me i am. No one said i looked cool before. Thank you.

Ivan likes to look blur. And he was drawing just now. In 30 minutes' time, he was snoring.

Doesn't look crowded, but still things are fun.

Just before reaching Palawan Beach. Eric looks gross and Ivan looks like a faggot. I look like an idiot.

Sentosa is good for today. Dinner at JB is excellent.

Started the day early and went to Sentosa for a good time with Ivan and Eric. Well, it seemed boring at times but since it's my first time there with friends i guess it was pretty exciting..haha!

Took some crap pictures of them as well as some beach scenes..

It can really be a good thing if a couple goes there together just to have some nice time chatting while they tan or even camping there for the night, enjoying the beautiful night sky with all the stars and such romantic stuff ya? Palawan Beach is good. Good for health.. *Grinz*

Thank God we left before the rain came plattering down on us. But the sun before was good. Managed to get some tan and some nice frisbee games going on. What's more cool is we enjoyed a can of ice cold beer under the bloddy hot sun. That's the way life should be everyday; no worries, simple and enjoyable.

Went back home to put down my things before Ivan came and picked me up for a good time in JB. But the jam was terribly, freaking irritating. Moved out at 8.30pm, reached JB by 9.30pm, and lost our way till 10 before we had our first bite at 10.30pm. Now that's terrible for 8 hungry men and 1 woman.

Menu for dinner:
2 plates of prawn and char siew chee cheng funs
2 plates of sambal stingrays
1 plate of huang di vegetables
1 plate of clams
1 HUGE plate of cereal crayfish (HUMONGOUS i must say)
2 plates of chili and black pepper crabs.
1 plate of fried you tiaos
1 plate of claypot venison
1 plate of fried oysters

9 cups of sugar cane juice.

Was rather disappointed that the chee cheong fun store closed just before we went off. Because I want to let her try some of it. Anyway, compensated with a packet of "beggers' chicken". Well, didn't really put in the fridge as what she advised me to and i hope it doesn't go bad tomorrow when i send it to her place. Erm, ya it shouldn't turn bad. =)

The jam was still as bad on the way back. Was stuck until 12.15am before we managed to clear the customs. And the custom officer said it wasn't safe to bring back Malaysia' poultry. To hell with bird flu. But the microwaving part to warm the chicken before her family eats it will kill all remaining shit inside.

Back at home, again i have my own thoughts. Thoughts of spending one Saturday there with her, playing on the beach in the day and enjoy star-gazing with her at night before sleeping in a tent which i've only used once. Pathetic.

And i am missing her again.

Tomorrow shall be another day to tan. And to start packing my things for the holiday with her family. I hope all goes well.

Watch this space for more updates.

Bedok Jetty at night. Windy and romantic.

I think she doesn't like to take a picture in the train. <24.12.04>

Song of The Day.

翻着我们的照片,
想念若隐若现,
去年的冬天,我们笑得很甜,
看着你哭泣的脸,对着我说再见,
来不及听见,你已走得很远,

也许你已经放弃我,也许已经很难回头,
我知道自己错过,请再给我一个理由,说你不爱我,
就算是我不懂,能不能原谅我,
请不要把分手当作你的请求,
我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口,
请你回头,我会陪你一直走到最后,

就算没有结果,我也能够伸手, 我知道你的痛,是我给的承诺,
你说给过我笑容,沉默是因为包容,
如果要走,请你记得我,

如果难过,请你忘了我.

Today Is Cycling Day.

The sun was not good today. It was very naughty. So I didn't manage to get any tanning done. *sigh*

However, managed to pull myself outta my bed at 2pm, ate some laksa that my dear brother brought and off i go....

Hunted Jamie down at Heartland Mall and crapped with him for a while, and boy was he busy man. Before i went down he told me that he was so darn free. When i got there, he was serving 4 customers...

Moral of the story: Don't ever, ever say you are too free. Work will come like a curse thereafter.

After some crapshit with Mr Jamie, i cycled down all the way to East Coast Park. Wah talking about the cycling part, i was darn pissed. Some Singapore drivers ought to be shot in the head. Obviously i was approaching the zebra crossing, and still stared at me when i was about to cross it. The god damned driver still freaking horned at me. The second time, the freaking BMW driver didn't watch for any pedestrians. Boy was it funny to see his eyes get so big...

Moral of the story: Look before you cross the zebra crossing. Some drivers think they have the right of way. Heck them.

At ECP, saw some stuff which i first seen in this 21 years of my life..a young family of 5 blading together, with the smallest around P2 i reckon. Then as i cycled on, i saw an Indian family dancing around their BBQ pit..interesting isn't it? Then Bedok jetty came into my mind...cycled all the way there and the view there was great..on the whole stretch of the jetty, it seemed so interesting to see people, both young and old, fishing, cycling, blading or even talking. There are people there who even camped. Okay i know i sounded so ignorant of Singapore's environment but seriously, it's my first time.

Somehow, somewhat, thoughts drifted into my mind again..how nice would it be to spend a night romantically with your loved one over there, just talking the whole night away and enjoying each other's company. This is what exactly will make life interesting for both parties. Even by saying so, life can be interesting being single. Someone said that it is good i can think this way. Clearly, it is good that i can think this way. But who is to know when i seek out the interesting part of life, she is not here to spend it with me. Good things should be shared, but some things in life are just not meant to be shared between people whom you don't feel a special affinity for.

Moral of the story: Nothing is ever too late if you feel that it is not SINAFU. (SItuation Normal, All Fucked Up)

Packing those thoughts back into my brain again, met up with Jinghan and had nice food at Bedok 85. Started cycling from Bedok back to Sengkang from 11.10pm. Got home at 12.35am. Why?

Because i saw a few windmills along the way and before i knew it, i "hollanded".

My legs are so tired. Luckily they are tired. If not they have more to suffer tomorrow. I think they are quite relieved that they don't have to peddle all the way to Sentosa tomorrow.

Oh yah, LTA Soh is getting married on the 3oth jan. Congratulations to him~

Sentosa is good for your health. Cycling is good for your health. Seafood in M'sia is good for your health.

Picking your nose causes nose cancer. Biting your nails causes tooth cancer. And sleeping causes comas.

So people, get a life and stop those habits if you are still doing it.

Till tomorrow, i shall be back with more adventure.

Watch this space.

A new life awaits..

Had quite some thoughts over these few days...if things are meant to be, let it be. Really got some new insights about my previous relationship with Anqi whilst talking to alot of people..and i mean ALOT. Haha...

Let's start from Chapter One...a new life began for me while i was still in BMT...on one fine day after booking out, i was online in ICQ at 6.18pm, and i icq-ed Anqi. And there we go, crapping about stuff and i invited her over to my "room-warming" (just shifted in Sengkang you see, and she complained that i didn't invite her over). The flame rekindled after 4 years of being friends that very day and yah, eventually we got together again on the 5th of March, 2002. Honeymoon period was obviously sweet, with me getting into OCS and having her as my other half. Things went on very sweetly and happily until.......

Chapter Two: Armageddon.
I was commissioned and posted in SAFPU. A pure, innocent guy was just getting to know the real life, in both its negative and positive aspects. But obviously, shit doesn't happen as for the positive aspect right? As you might had guessed it by now, i was rather influenced back then, and i went for a fling just for the fun of it. Again, i must reiterate..it was BACK THEN. Things between Anqi and I were still pretty, but i was tempted by the playful side of me.

Chapter Three: End of The World.
I was with this fling for close to two months when i suddenly realised that she cannot be comparable to Anqi in all aspects (ALL i mean, serious). Just when i was to bring the issue of breaking up, Anqi found the shit. Was forced to come up with a decision; Anqi or her. Obviously i chose Anqi. In that point of time, thoughts of her crying out over the phone to me about her SIP in Bukit Batok overwhelmed me with extreme guilt. I wasn't there for her when she needed a crying shoulder. I wasn't there for her when she needed someone to console her. And the god-damned me, knowing fully her problems, chose to ignore it. Although i did not go through the whole experience of being in SIP, i did put myself in her shoes. The feelings were incomparably screwed up. I can still remember every single bits and pieces of the whole drama. Even till today.
I am still very traumatised.

Chapter Four: Time To Make Up.
Before the whole drama, i can still remember vividly that she disturbed me almost everytime we went out...she will say this..."you want to marry me anot, har? dun wan ah...=(" After the whole incident, it dawned upon me that if someone is ever so willing to accept me even after all these, she is definitely the one for life. After the whole drama, I even mentioned this to her on numerous occasions..."after I've graduated from NIE, i will want to get engaged with you. After i have enough money, i will make you Mrs Lim." It was because from that time on, i put my heart and soul into things. But still, i did screw up. Like still smoking and flirting around with my friends' female friends while clubbing (with no ill feelings towards the girl intended). I believe that things got so badly that eventually feelings faded.

Chapter Five: Recent Things...
Okay, basically a summary of what had been said earlier on. One, feelings faded indirectly because of the emotional baggage that were brought along with her after that fling and other shit incidents like flirting harmlessly. Before shit happens, she trusted me wholeheartedly. After shit happened, she only trusted half of my words. If she don't put so much trust in me, we cannot communicate. When there is no communications, i don't know about things and eventually, feelings fade. I also felt that being in a new environment, be it work or school, does change people to a certain extent. The way they conceive, manipulate and process ideas of being in a relationship.

In a nutshell, what i really felt is that i had done too much emotional hurt towards her and froze her heart for me, and i should not lament about the way things are now. People like me don't learn...until all is gone. It's basic human tendency. Without trust in a relationship, there is no communication. Even if there is, seldom or rarely will you see any compromisings. And things ended up the way it is today. The festive season is over, and i don't blame her for doing this to me. I am thankful that we broke up before Xmas, because that gave me a chance to relate my emotions to many people whom i just knew during gatherings. At least i know how someone who is neutral, older, more experienced and perhaps, more mature thinks towards my previous relationship. What can't kill me makes me stronger. Definitely this saying is true, because I had matured. I rather be cruel to myself than to drag on. Decisions can be painful, yes, but at least it makes the other party more comfortable. After all when you love someone, all you want is to wish her well and be happy.

At times, I still carry the hope of being together again with her, putting all unhappiness away and putting all my heart and soul into her. Cos she is the one. For life. At the same time, i shall get a life also.

So anyone wants to go blading or cycling tomorrow?

What a "normal" day.

Well...today seemed like any typical day..went to Mike's place and had some games with her PS2 till 9 before having a drink with Jimmy.

What Jimmy told me had knocked some sense into me, but it seemed easier saying than doing it. I still find myself remnicsing about things when i got home. Perhaps i still haven't gotten over things yet. As hard as i tell myself to forget about things, i can't.

I am feeling so pissed.

Help me please?

Found out something about myself..

After talking to Jamie yesterday, I came to realise one thing. I am actually a naive person. Can you guys imagine Hong Da being naive? The presumptuously Mr Know-All (to myself at the very least) finally believes that he is naive. Always thought that things will end up happily in the end, happily ever after like those cheesy soap operas on television. Now I know why I hate the TV. It freaking influences me to think the way their scriptwriters depict.

New Year Resolutions:

1.) Cut down on television.
2.) Cut down on drinking.
3.) Get a nice tan and build back my once-"built" figure.
4.) Getting a car licence and perhaps, a bike licence.

More resolutions to come along the way.

Shall be off to play PS2 and blade at Mike's place.

Life si still the same.

Today, met up with her for dinner. As per normal, I tried to be happy....She seemed okay with things from what I can see. Ha! Ypu never know.

Kinda envy her with so many activities in the day and night. Work in the day, party at night with her friends...Now where are my friends? C'mon people...time to get me a life too!

I think I had some new hobbies.

1.) Cycling and singing out loud at the same time. Sometimes with abit of tears.

2.) Tanning until i become black.

3.) Appreciating wine. Starting to hate liquors.

4.) Blogging.

Tell me what I should do on Christmas Day and Christmas Eve.

I still want to take pictures of the Christmas lightings this year with her! But she ain't free. Haha...

*hits himself on the head* Wake up you bastard.

I am depressed. Very depressed.

Life seemed to have a new glow when she told me we could possibly meet up on Christmas Day to see the lightings in town. A shocking news awaits me at home. She can't meet me! My world turned upside down, inside out. I felt butterflies in my stomach. I felt so screwed up. I felt like crying. I felt so condemned. Well as I always told myself "don't disturb her, give her time" and the same old shit, i can't control in this point of time. It felt too compressed in me that I was almost explosive.

1st Xmas wish that I told her: "All I want for Xmas is you."

2nd personal wish I harboured: To take pictures with her in Orchard for for keepsake.

First one cannot be fulfilled, never mind. Hopefully the 2nd one can come true. Now, it seemed too far from my reach...

Still can remember what we did on last Christmas. Went to Esplanade. Reminisced about it when i was talking to Mike over there just now. Mike is right, wherever we go, definitely we are bound to think about the past. Why am I not strong enough to control and stop thinking about it? All wishes for this festive season is gone. Bro Ivan is in shit himself. I don't want to club on Xmas eve. I don't want to drink as well. What the hell can I do then? Watching friends going out with their darlings? Sure I can smile and be happy for them. Right.

I don't wish to wallow in self-pity anymore. Neither do I want people to pity me. Sometimes, I really want to deceive myself and ask her if we can break up after Xmas. At least I will feel happy in self-denial. Reality is cruel, yes.

Sometimes, I really asked myself and wonder...why am I doing so much for a dead relationship? I definitely know it was dead already before the break up. But yet I want to do it. Why? Because I still love her? Yes I still love her. Loved her too much that after the breakup, i tried to hate her so that I can forget about this whole episode. But i can't bring myself to do that. Neither do I hope that she will do something for the sake of me forgetting her (after she had seen this blog).

This whole story happened so suddenly. Ended so suddenly. I don't know where am I now. I am so lost.

Can someone please give me some directions?

Shall end this blog with lots of tears on my chest, sadness in my heart and regretfulness on my mind.

Why?

Started to question myself again. Why is she so cruel to me? Why can't I spend my last Xmas with you in peace? And you are going clubbing, enjoying yourself! Haha..what a joke that Heaven had played on me. These 6 months i had been quietly wishing for a chance to club with her one more time so that i will not regret should anything happen. And look what fate had decided? Haha...life is a joke. A cruel joke. Maybe not to most of you out there, but to me. On the very special day that Jesus is borned into this world.

This Christmas season totally sucks! Why can't I cry it all out? Why can't i vent my frustrations? I got no avenues to do so! What is going on within my mind now is so inexplicable. I cannot explain. Just plain frustration. Why can't i throw this bag of old feelings away? How can she expect me to accept all these in such a short time just before Xmas? I don't regret initiating the breakup, but now I am making myself so miserable.

WHY???????????????????????????????????????

Why can't Heaven play another joke on me? Why this sickening joke? I wish I could just dig a hole now bury myself in it before waking up to a new semester.

God, i hope that you can put me in a coma until this sickening festive season is over. Thank you.

I wish I can spend this last Christmas with her.

Depressions of December 2004 (So far)

One and only Christmas wish: Gone

First planned chalet with her: Gone

Christmas Eve outing: Gone

New Year's Eve: Salvageable

All in all: Screwed up.

Drinking does not drown all your sorrows.

I love to drink. But I hate to drink also. Drinking is not a cure-all.

Nothing interesting that happened today.

Perhaps..

Well, I might still have a chance after all.

May God bless.

Ah Theng and I. After a glass of Cordon Bleu.

Hah! The night before the breakup. She's lamenting about the Levi's sales at Suntec. Haha!

Life moves on. Just like cars on the expressway.

Saturday night at Plaza Singapore. Alone.

A part of you will always remain in my heart...

Life is sad, life is cruel. Yes, I've came to terms with it. I don't want you to suffer anymore. Cos it hurts me to see you so. I finally ended my relationship with you, hoping that you can be happier without me. Sadness is inevitable; the pain of ending a relationship is there. But i guess i feel the pain more than you do. It's not your fault for losing your feelings, i totally understand. I know time will heal you. But time will not heal me. You had brought joy and sadness into my life. You had changed my life totally also. Love is not blind. It sees more than what the human eye can see. Because love can see all these, we choose not to see more, but see less. I thought i was standing at the edge of victory when the date of the chalet draws nearer. But my heart was totally shattered yesterday. Yes you did broke my heart through and through but i don't want you to feel bad about it. It was all one-sided on my part.

Although fate is cruel and destiny is heartless, i still appreciate what we had went through all these 2 years plus. All the storms we had braved through together and all the sufferings you had endured for me. Although it all came to null, but you taught me valuable lessons. Not to take your loved ones for granted. Not to suspect and put more trust in you. You also showed me how sweet, cruel, endearing and comfortable love can be.

Thank you for all these memories you had left within me.

Thank you. And i love you forever.

Blogging should be nice.

Once again after 12 days of non-blogging, i am back again. Somehow things seemed to be happy happy and smooth going for me to lament at these past few days. Then out of three things, i blogged again. 1.) Boredom, 2.) boredom, 3.) as you have guessed it, it is boredom again.

Went down with a running nose, bruised body (from buang-ing while riding my new bike on Friday night). Damn it. My throat suffered badly today. Went for a 4-hour long KTV session with my gal and her sister. I think my voice today had exorcised all the souls in the room. But still, kind of enjoyable though.

Just splurge $15 on an useless piece of PsBb coin pouch. Bought it on impulse. But i enjoy the feeling of buying things i like on impulse. It somehow gives you the feeling..the momentary kick you get when you have the power of purchasing..haha! What nonsense.

I am beginning to seriously doubt myself as a good boyfriend. She told me she is going out with her friends after work tomorrow. And my heart turned sour that very instant. Because i am jealous. Jealous that i am not the one going out with her. That is one side of my heart telling me that. But the better side told me that i should just let her go and enjoy her night. I felt like a possessive demon. Arghz. Perhaps the fact that i have no company for tomorrow attributed to the fact that i felt possessive. Or maybe it is. Well i think that must be the reason. I was damn motivated and encouraged by one of my thoughts...

" To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another."

No point being with her every now and then and become a pest in her eyes. As long as she feels happy, i am happy.

Well, enough noble thoughts for today. Till then...