Why?

Started to question myself again. Why is she so cruel to me? Why can't I spend my last Xmas with you in peace? And you are going clubbing, enjoying yourself! Haha..what a joke that Heaven had played on me. These 6 months i had been quietly wishing for a chance to club with her one more time so that i will not regret should anything happen. And look what fate had decided? Haha...life is a joke. A cruel joke. Maybe not to most of you out there, but to me. On the very special day that Jesus is borned into this world.

This Christmas season totally sucks! Why can't I cry it all out? Why can't i vent my frustrations? I got no avenues to do so! What is going on within my mind now is so inexplicable. I cannot explain. Just plain frustration. Why can't i throw this bag of old feelings away? How can she expect me to accept all these in such a short time just before Xmas? I don't regret initiating the breakup, but now I am making myself so miserable.

WHY???????????????????????????????????????

Why can't Heaven play another joke on me? Why this sickening joke? I wish I could just dig a hole now bury myself in it before waking up to a new semester.

God, i hope that you can put me in a coma until this sickening festive season is over. Thank you.

I wish I can spend this last Christmas with her.