Bummer.

Oh well, I don't have the mood to do anything. I feel so lifeless. Once I am home, I sit in front of my 17 inch Philips LCD monitor and start to see who are online on MSN. After doing so, I will log on to Friendster. After seeing that there's nothing new (that's normal) in my account, I will check my 3 emails for any updates from my boss on orientation, after which relevant files will be saved and downloaded into my computer and presto! I just let the documents pile up.

How come I am bumming around when I am so very enthusiastic about the planning? I feel so weird you know, things like my body telling me to reject beer. The mood to drink isn't there either, which is darn good.

Actually I just feel like doing the things I like without restrictions. Like cycling to East Coast to camp and fish there with close friends. Or blading at night? Or just spend time drinking coffee and watching a movie or two with long-lost friends. The majority of my wishes in the wish list are not fulfiled yet.

So sad.

I feel my spirit slowly coming back into my body again. It is rejuvenating me. I feel renewed at times. The sub-conscious mind is really powerful.

Was giving tuition to Brion when he couldn't remember things which I had emphasised before. I almost blew up but yet I restrained. Sometimes it is kind of heart-wrenching to know that you put in so much effort in mentoring the child and then he tells you that he forgotten about it. And yes, he said that with his face wearing a sheepish grin.

Promised Diana that I will plan a class gathering in June at her place. Promised Dr Chia to consolidate the class list of those who wants to participate in laboratory activities. But both promises are left hanging in the air. I am one who hate people who breaks promises and yet I am doing it myself. How hypocritical.

Never mind, it is just the beginning of the holiday. Let me get a hold of my life first before anything else comes. I will get a mental breakdown if I really work myself out even after the examinations.

She's going to KL tomorrow. I am really apprehensive about the results of things. Sometimes when I crystallize my thoughts on this emotional issue, I get confused over things again. I hear two voices; one telling me to heck it because there will never be an ending and the other telling me to wait because I probably still see hope.

But I will still get myself back. Not for her good, not because of her, not because I want to pursue this hope of mine. But for all my friends who had given me kind advice which I might had sadly turned a deaf ear to.

I will be myself again. If things ever look gleamingly good again, it shall be a bonus. Otherwise, I'm still me. Anyway, she's attached after all.

I shall be a man of principles. (",)