Those Moments.
Those moments of silence were unbearable. Somehow, I feel the distance.
It took me so much courage, which was otherwise unattainable without beer, to say those words.
I almost teared as they came out from me. Like a final goodbye.
A good night's chat with an old buddy on Friday shed some light on me. Some really personalised things which I really took it positively. Career or love life; it's my choice.
It seems that I don't have much of a choice, do I?
I feel the stress coming when my club got the gold award. Boy I was so elated but yet, I feel that so much more has to be done in order to sustain that kind of status. And I have not factor in school work for now.
Simply put, I had enough. I cannot afford to let people around me down.
"You must be impartial about your personal life and work because technically speaking, you are pursuing your career now. You cannot afford to make mistakes on this already-risky path."
Well said.
Many other commitments came up and ARE coming up. I rather forsake something personal and not disappoint people who have placed much hope and faith in me. I know I cannot let these people down. They were the ones there for me when I really needed someone(s).
_____________________
"maybe is gd for tt decision. bye"
This came in seconds ago. That was painful, but in a way, I chose it. I was too numbed to dwell on it anymore.
I just need a listening ear. Or rather, someone to spend this period of silence with me without a word. Just be there beside me. To let me feel I am really a friend to you. I don't need words. Just the company, no matter who you are.
I can't help it, yet I can't do it.
I want to cry out loud, so that I'll be fine.
But I can't cry anymore.
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