How Does It Feel?

How does it feel when you feel inadequate to your job?

How does it feel when you know you didn't put in enough?

How does it feel when you can't think of any solutions?

How does it all feel?

Sometimes I just can't help but to think I'm so screwed up. Where is the organised me?

Weeks ago, I found myself. But I guess by regaining myself, I just lost myself again. In another way, that is.

Sometimes, I really wish for someone who can thoroughly empathise with me.

Am I expecting too much from myself, or is it just peer pressure? I think it is more of self-expectations. I can easily do a sloppy job and forget about the whole thing. And consequently, creating a not-so-nice reputation for myself.

Or, I can tax on my so-very uncreative mind, come up with something aptly impressive and then collapse go crazy after it all end.

Okay I admit, I am losing my self-esteem and confidence. Just that I don't portray it when I am with my friends. Deep inside when I am all alone, I feel energy sapping away, bringing along the bubbly me.

Only I can see who I really am.

But I do really extend my warmest and heartfelt thanks to those who kept encouraging me. Your efforts had not gone down the drain.

Rest assured that I will do my best for the investiture.

Good night people.