Dr Pimply-Me

An extract from Jimbi's blog:

"Froggy can teach me how to squeeze pimple bo??? I dun have experience leh..."

In order to learn the techniques of squeezing pimples effectively and painlessly, you will need to have certain prerequisites;

1. Have at least 2 years of pimple-squeezing experience.
2. Have clocked a mileage of at least 2 pimples (big or small) squeezed per week.
3. Last, but not least, have a mor peng face.

But looking at the condition now, it seems that our dear Jimbi had satisfied none of these prerequisites to date.

In view of that, I shall try my best to assist you such that your pimple-squeezing experience will be a painless and enjoyable one.

Firstly, you must get these equipment ready: A candle, a lighter, a small and hard metallic loop, a nice and big mirror and lots of tissue paper (in case the goo splatters on it, you can still wipe it off and use).

Firstly, position your face under the 12pm sunlight in an outdoor environment (it is rumoured that pimples will NOT regrow if done under such conditions).

Secondly, take out the mirror and focus the Sun's rays onto the pimple and stay there for one minute in order to tenderise the pimple (you must use a stopwatch to time it, if not chances are the pimple will regrow). In the meantime, take out your candle and light it. Use the flame to sterilise the metal loop (it is completely sterilised when you see the loop glowing red).

Thirdly, exactly after 1 minute, take the loop and quickly squeeze out the pimple. Having done all the steps above, the process should take less than 5 seconds and it is painless. In case of goo splattering on the mirror, use the tissue paper to wipe it off. Keep the tissue paper with you (the bacteria in the goo are known to have "vaccinating properties i.e., prevent growth of the same species of bacteria that causes the pimple). Should a pimple still reappear, boil the tissue paper in 50ml of Martell Cordon Bleu (Louis 13 works best but Martell C.B is good enough) and drink the solution. You should be able to fight off the growing pimple.

Well, after all these, do you still have anymore questions?

Good night people.