My blog is a blog is my blog...

Why?

2010-07-30T01:54:00.002+08:00

Facebook is not an avenue anymore. The other blog as well.

What can I do?

I offered. I saw things from my point of view but did you? You have everything in your life. You have a loving father who will make you happy.

I am also earning a living. I have to do what I have to.

And it is tiring. Do you see that? Do you see how passionate am I about my job? Do you see how much effort I put in for those kids? Do you see how much of my rest time I've sacrificed just to straighten things out as an appointed DM?

Do you see the kind of personal time I've forked out just to travel and see you? It is just so upsetting to see that things I've done are not up to what you want even when it is my best.

Forget the sarcasm.

So all the things I've done negate themselves now.

I tried, but it's just not good enough.

Do you know how much it breaks my heart to see such words from you? You know?

I was hopeless before. I don't want to land myself in that shithole again.

Please. Don't do that to me.

2010-07-23T01:00:00.002+08:00

People are always more than what they seem, aren't they?

This feeling that I can't explain, is eating me from the inside out. Some sort of like, when I was still deeply in love.

Anger and rashness had composed most of my emotions in the past few years.

This time, it is sadness.

Many things in life, we've always wanted to try. Sky-diving, snorkelling, summitting Mt. Everest.

Some are acceptable; some are not.

2009-10-30T00:51:00.002+08:00

If sleep is a solution, I'd sleep forever.

It was utterly depressing when I had an encounter with a few of my kids just now. Things got pretty emotional that tears were almost swelling up my eyes.

It is those sort of moments when you started to think; do those kids still have any tinge of conscience in them?

What happened to the efforts you've put in, perspiring until your long-sleeved shirt is dripping wet and yet you refused to stop and rest.

Sometimes you wonder where your efforts have gone to.

Passion? Yes. It is my nemesis.

What About Now?

2009-09-05T13:00:00.000+08:00

In the corner of the world a shadow lies,
someone’s crying in that place without light.
What they asked for is out of sight,
what they wanted never did come alive.

Can we change the colours of the sky,
can we change the wrongs and rights?
Can we make it through the dawn alive,
can we leave all the scars behind?

What about now?

Someone’s hungry, someone’s hurting.
Some people live there trying to make ends meet.
Places engulfed in smoke and debris,
Is it right for things to be like this?

What about now? What about today?

One day in the world a light went on.
An idea was born between right and wrong.
Someone took a stand; fear be gone.
It’s never too late, we’ll break through the dawn.

For all the things that never died,
The sun is rising right in front of your eyes.
Shadows fade into the light,
Telling us that we will still survive.

I am the end of poverty, I am a different path.
Riding on the wave of compassion never seems too far.
I am light, the gift of vision.
Together we will surf across that ocean so rough.

The unfinished story

2009-04-06T21:11:00.002+08:00

With the advent of technology, I'm finally able to blog at one of my favourite places.

Life (or stress) has started to take a toll on me when I know it is just peanuts of what are going to come.

I question myself in terms of the responsibilities that are oncoming.

Right now, being pre-occupied with work does take away some anxiety but in time to come, there will be moments when I am in my own serene yet surreal mind-world. That time marks the incoming of emotions and reflections when I start to doubt myself.

In fact, I am doubting myself now. So many things at hand, so little time, so little chances for in-time reflections.

Everyday, I don't say goodbye to anyone at my workplace. That is because, I am always the last to leave.

Foreseeing myself to blog more in future.

Laters.

Like, It's Time To Face The Music

2009-02-16T20:39:00.002+08:00

Well I'm back after an extremely long hiatus.

And I've started work for eons.

It began to felt that the stress is somehow getting insurmountable. Somehow breathing down my neck until the weekend comes, until I decide to lock stress out of my only dream-like reality Fridays and Saturdays.

Then it dawned upon me that I used to blog to relieve the pent-up and constipated thoughts of mine.

Yes, I do not deny that I love my work, the things I do for my little bosses everyday but yet when I leave my workplace daily I feel this unchallenged surge of lethargy (ironic eh) plurging out of my every vein.

Talk about work-life balance. Right.

Everyday I get back home 14 hours later just to realise that the next day is about to come. The only times I have to myself is when I face the miserable computer (yet again) planning for the next day.

*Stretches my back*

I feel drained everyday but it never dawn upon me that I'm immersing myself in work so much so that I lack balance in my personal life. Until someone started telling me that he wants his work-life balance such that work stops at a stipulated time for him and that's that.

Then I started to feel that my balance is oddly skewed towards work.

But hey, it felt a little better to just blog about it, for now.

Laters.

The Year That Was (some sort) Never Meant To Be.

2008-01-25T03:23:00.000+08:00

fio has the time to blog, despite the fact that she is a full-time educator.

Dylan did not blog much, despite the fact that he is still going through teacher training.

But here I am, trying to recollect what has happened this year.

I would say that this year has created for me a wealth of opportunities, and choice-making situations; some of which were amicably made, some of which were regretfully made and some of which are gladfully made.

What traumatises me the most for these past two weeks left me affixed to my belief that Luck was pretty down on me in 2007. Somehow, the 'best' thing got to happen in 2008. A turning point of my life which will determine my future.

In case you are thinking if it has something to do with my inner thoughts, no, you are wrong. Nothing emotional here. It was something which I have done in a moment of impulse, wanting to inject that adrenaline rush. Like most shows, villains get their just desserts in the end.

No matter what the outcome is, just hope.

And pray before the hour comes.

__________

All the falseness in my words, all the hypocrisy in my actions and all the wretched thoughts in my mind (from time to time) culminate in a lifetime of remorse and haunting memories. This past year seemed like a facade which should never manifest in front of my very eyes.

Somehow, it did. Never a nightmare but a mirage that never go away.

I hope to be a better man for the rest of my life.

Do what is right. Sometimes, doing the correct thing doesn't help. Doing what is right carries more weight. Go figure.

Randoms

2007-12-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

Life has gotten pretty random since the catastrophic end of the FYP (aka For Your Penetration) presentation during late November. Got a shock of my life when I wanted to look up some terms in Google search when I saw some dyslexic-looking terminology appearing in the slidedown window during my past futile attempts to coherently look for articles pertaining to the project.

It was the greatest hurdle of my life (so far).

I lost the impetus to blog, hence explaining the disappearing act by me which I suppose was better than David Copperfield (apologies that it does not link with the above paragraph. This is supposed to be random, remember?).

And then came the terrific monsoon which foiled all plans to carry out D-day plans, which include cycling, camping, fishing, rollerblading and catching lizards, erm no, I mean catching up with good o’drinking mates.

And this holiday seems to be an unchartered hiatus as well. Like, living the day as it comes. Impromptu wine sessions seem to be at the top of the list. Apart from wine-drinking, I have learnt quite a bit about random things in a random fashion.

Okay, time is required to activate the content schema as the brain now is at a processing speed just a little faster than the primitive 386 processor. And no, we shall not attribute it to the intoxicating effects of drinkable ethanol.

Oh yes, receipts make great bookmarks.

Good night people.

Hmm...

2007-11-11T06:20:00.000+08:00

To my BIGGEST surprise, I just 'unravelled' something VERY interesting. That someone who is relatively 'close' to me (in proximity) for the past one week and the week to come....

IS MY SECONDARY'S SCHOOL FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!

Oh man. She've seen my face. I just hope the guy doesn't pop by and suddenly see me and have his heart regurgitated to the mouth and then start to assume things.

Oh man. Talk about Singapore being a small place.

It indeed is, in every literal sense of the word.

Yes, this jolt of contradictory surprise has shakened me awake just before I make an attempt under the covers.

Damn.

Another Test.

2007-11-10T00:24:00.001+08:00

Are You A Natural Flirt – Know How to Create A Flirtatious And Cozy Environment?
Congratulations! You've passed the quiz with a score of 0%.

These are signals that say, “It's okay to approach me “. You can want women to be more outgoing, but unfortunately all kinds of long-established social conditioning is in effect: most men are more comfortable letting a woman make the first move. But that doesn't mean she isn't picking on your signs too, and it doesn't mean that she isn't sending easily readable signals so you can make the connection.

I believe that there is no shame at all in asking an honest, sincere question to clear up a matter or do a reality check. You can even ask a woman: It seems to me that you are flirting heavily with me. Are you? And if you are, what does flirting mean to you? Honest, direct questions do tend to generate some interesting discussions.

So to live your romantic life at it's fullest potential, you need to keep trying and you'll improve your skills over time. If you read a few books I'm touting here, I'm sure you'll makeover in no time.

You can take other tests again by clicking Tests and Quizzes Direcory . Following questions might be important for you: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

FYI, there are only 6 questions.

Tests.

2007-11-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Da*n it most of them hit my G-spot.

It's nostalgic.

2007-11-07T03:04:00.000+08:00

Staying in a hall is a unique experience. Nostalgic as well (not that it happened before).

It makes me feel like I'm back to army again.

Thinking about this, I think I regret my choice not staying in a hall since Year 1. It is a choice made with good faith under circumstances (back then), but it seemed that things never did turn out the way I wanted it to be.

Well, at least the experience of staying in a hall comes to me before I graduate. And I thank this good friend for the opportunity.

__________

I think there are too many regrets in life itself, so much so that I cannot recall some of them. The multitude of emotions I've felt coupled with the realities of life has masked my perception of myself. Somehow, somewhere, it doesn't feel right.

It sure does feel the same now.

Good night people. My friend said it is time to sleep.

You know, there is always a little something to it.

2007-11-07T02:22:00.000+08:00

There's always a little something to life,
sadness and perks almost alike.
One that makes you heave and sigh,
the other makes you jump with joy.

That little something is elusive and fine,
sometimes yours and sometimes mine.
Sometimes subtle and sometimes concise,
sometimes so intangible but it makes one cry.

This feels so foreign now in my mind,
this little something that I can't find.
Good that it's lost in the present of times,
for being myself is not a crime.

You know, there's always a little something to life.

The twisted soul.

2007-10-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

The twisted soul travels the world alone,
twisted emotions on the mind's mighty throne.
Walking on the sands of lands forsaken,
nowhere around to call a home.

Sadness and apprehension are what he know,
set on this journey with sins unatoned.
Looking for the Way with an Achille's Heel,
obstacles abound in a haphazard tone.

A tree was seen in the twilight zone,
how real it gotten, like facts cast in stone.
But it began to wax and wane in reasons untold,
broke his universe; the damage seems to grow.

The vicious cycle continues to roam, in the heart of the twisted soul which never grows old.

It is, the resurrection.

2007-10-22T02:53:00.000+08:00

This period of time seems to be the time of my life again when I feel like blogging incessantly. Like, too much things on my mind that I cannot juggle them all at once. Feels like, probably helpless so early before deadlines for the first time in my undergraduate life.

A month's time, it is the submission. And my ID-ing of the parasites have not even started. Why, you may ask.

The Internet does not have what I need. Or rather, I lack the scaffolding from my supervisor. I chose the project because I am interested, really. But time is not on my side.

Once again, one of the most important life lessons manifests itself again.

Wake up, you are in a pragmatic society. Better to be practical for your own good. Interests come later when you have all the time in this world.

You can jolly well work yourself on parasites after you retire and then get some sickening diseases from them. Then die with a posthumous Nobel Prize awarded to you.

Two weeks before most assignments are due. Thank you very much.

I am sprouting white hairs all over my head.

Poems.

2007-10-20T18:48:00.000+08:00

I have been sharing my poems with a friend, and it has been a reciprocal thing as well (albeit it is only a few of hers).

And here's another one, composed on the way back home on a rainy day, few days ago. No title though.

Big, grey clouds formed the horizons.
Here they gather, here they gather.
Gentle souls roused against life’s poison.
Aptly fatal, aptly fatal.

Silent raindrops amidst children’s laughter.
Pitter patter, pitter patter.
Surreal thoughts amongst life’s rattles,
Off they wander, off they wander.

Sunshine came after the long long battle,
Yes it is over, yes it is over.
But time and tide wait for no man.
The Man is beaten, the Man has fallen.

One of those days.

2007-10-20T18:32:00.000+08:00

Today felt like one of those days when you wake up with a sudden jerk, went to the computer and not knowing what to do.

You pick up your mobile and see if anyone called. Or texted.

You check your MSN if anyone has given you a message.

You light up a stick and begin the routine stoning session that happens every Saturday in front of your computer.

This is just another day, like every other Saturdays.

_____

Everyone's bitching about assignments and deadlines. So mundane and lacklustre. But, isn't it part of my league as well?

I guess I finally understood what Jimmy once mentioned about being single. The perks of it. Truly assimilated and understood.

And applied.

You do what you like without feeling guilty, remorseful or even be the carefree person you used to be when things are not within our control. That is because some things in life are just not meant to be your cup of tea and hence, none of your business.

In saying so, we don't even want to persuade ourselves to be in that plight.

_____

I felt so detached from my good o' brothers.

_____

Sometimes, I feel that I have became way too nonchalent. I used to tell people that I AM nonchalent. But deep inside, I'm not.

That WAS those days.

Now, I felt that I have indeed, became nonchalent. Nothing seems to matter to me except getting my degree and living my life the way it should be (though to some of you, it shouldn't be). But I thought, what is most important is to lead a life which you can answer to yourself at the end of the day, just before you lie six feet under.

So far, so good.

This vacation.

2007-10-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

This blog is on a hiatus.

And so is the owner; on a unchartered hiatus.

Oh boy, sometimes I'm feeling lucky.

2007-09-02T10:25:00.000+08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Suppressed.

2007-08-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

How long will the rainy season be,
how long will it last?
When will I see the birds fly free,
past the greens so lush.

Computers have their downtimes. Servers need to be upgraded.

What more for humans?

There are tonnes of thoughts on my mind which I really, really want to pen it down. But I couldn't find the words for them. They are perplexed thoughts I know; the usual me can often find appropriate words to convey the messages across.

It feels so different today.

Could it be that four-letter word again?

Or could it be the barrage of incidents that happened between me and my supervisor today? I can't even differentiate.

I do miss the bros.

At least, seeking solace in them always results in something fruitful. Maybe I can liken it to jumping into a pool full of ice-water after talking to them.

Dark clouds in the skies never seem enough,
the waves in the sea never seem so rough.
The mage tried casting the spell but to no avail,
it was obvious he ain't have enough charm.

Time seems to be crawling tonight. Tomorrow seems catastrophic. I wish that one day, my mobile will break down on me and hence, breaking off my contact with the rest of the mortal world. The expulsion of melancholic thoughts off the shady mind does not feel like it's working today like it used to work in the past.

It seems like a beautiful morning today. Like the whole world's smiling at me.

Really.

But apparently after that, it felt more like they have turned their backs on me, their gnawing snares ready to strike; and the hunger pangs from their hungers resonating deeply in my mind.

Their hunger for silencing me.

The rainbows will always stay beautiful,

the sunshine will always shine.

The gentleman awaits like a clever fool,

just to be caught by his own crime.

Weather Report

2007-08-20T23:04:00.001+08:00

The weatherman says it is going to be rainy for the next few days.

Time.

2007-08-17T17:40:00.000+08:00

How time flies. So swift and deadly such that when there are recollections, they seem like eons ago.

At least, school started off with a gentle note; nothing like an upheaval in my (campus) social life (in every sense of that phrase).

And yes, having the flu bug for 5 days isn't exactly the kind of feeling you want to carry when school just reopened.

Nasal voice
"Ah Du" - alike voice
Can't go singing during the weekend
Can't go into the sun and do Miss Lizzie for FYP

And the most ridiculous thing that happened this week; good weather while I was stricken with illness, with me wearing jackets and all. And inclement weather today when I decided to do some work.

I'd pray for myself that I will pull through this semester. The exhilarating feeling of seeing my friends in school once again always eluded from my bubbly behaviour in every semester.

In this special semester, it is totally ruined by the thought of the impending poster presentation.

But well, happy things do happen as well.

Good day people.

Luther Vandross - I'd Rather

2007-08-17T04:19:00.000+08:00

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that

I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find out if this one thing is true

that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you

we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies

so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,than good times with someone else (I know)I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times together,than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely) ,than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

What a beautiful song that captivates me. =)

Sunshine

2007-08-15T00:13:00.000+08:00

A day of madness rushing to and fro,
a day of apprehension slowly rows.
To meet the sunshine up the bridge,
butterflies in the stomach slowly go.

*****

It is interesting how it manifested,
it is amazing how it works.
A different feel started at the very first,
giving me the thrust to go forward.

That face radiates a serene surge,

peaceful yet filled with perks.

Gentle and not perturbed,

the face hiding a mind tormented.

*****

The sunshine will always be wanted,

just like roses that are always scented.

*****

Albeit a multitude of feelings concocted,

the gentleman battles the field unconceited.

Really, the sun should have gone down long ago.

2007-08-08T01:36:00.000+08:00

Nothing has been going on rather fine, as-a-matter-of-factly.

Birthday celebration crashed.
Many incidents on the recent Friday the Thirteen.
FYP not progressing fast enough.

I think I sound depressing enough, as what this blog has always been eluding; the ever-familiar sense of melancholy from the writer.

Why ah?

I guess there are way too many contributing factors.

I never know, words from a person of the same sex can make a guy tear. As always, there is a first time to everything.

__________

我有一个不能说的秘密。

__________

More often than not, we fall. Just like what I have learnt in class today, this phrase; inherently fallible.

Yes, I guess I am inherently fallible as well. It is a multitude of events colourful and all, but sometimes we ought to take things (in every sense of the word) with a pinch of salt. Having spoken to many people from the mundanities of life to personal outlooks of their futures, I see contrasting details in perspectives. Being me, psycho-analysing situations has always been a way of life for me (if I want to).

And trust me, don't read too much sometimes. Reading minds can, sometimes, be bad for the mind. Well, for me, it is most of the time.

Aiyah, I say the same old sh*t all the time. Damn it.

Randoms.

2007-08-03T01:32:00.000+08:00

Guys, sorry for the randoms. Once again.

There are actually viewers who goggled my name and found their way to this page.
Always, always use parking coupons if you have to.
You can get into a trance-like nap when you fall asleep at the poolside with noisy IJ girls around having swimming classes. And get really funny dreams.
TyPin LyK dIS pIsS moIx oFf biG tIme, EuU nOEs ThaTt?

Birthdays.

2007-08-02T19:10:00.000+08:00

It is his birthday today, and mine was yesterday! :D

Damn, I wish I have a birthday cake like his. That would be like, totally AWESOME!

Good day people.

The life we lead.

2007-07-31T01:09:00.000+08:00

We often look back our lives in reminiscence; what could we have done well in, what we could have done better in and what sort of repercussions we could have possibly created.

But only when things happen.

Generally, when things get to such a stage, it is, more often than not, way beyond salvation.
I don't deny I felt it myself as well. This society is pragmatic and stereotypes have been imprinted on you. As what they say, "It takes years to build trust and a few seconds to break it."

So, what have I accomplished? I really don't know. I'm just beginning to regain my true self after going through so much, so much grinding and moulding. But sometimes, I feel that my vision is still obscured.

There is still something amiss.

The life we lead feels so mundane,
The words we say sound so insane.
But who knows what lies within is a soul contained,
To be liberated by the legendary bane.

I am also a human being, just like anyone of you.

“Living things need air. Living things need love too.”

Sometimes, the magnitudes of life get into people. People appear strong, but it is the stronger ones who are weak on the inside. The vulnerable ones. We talk about it, we have critical discussions. We agree, and we contest.

The truth is at the end of the day, do we accept, assimilate and learn?

Talk is cheap, and so they say.
Who ever treats it seriously, keeping it at bay.
It can be superficial, likened to a relay.
Blessed are those who chose to look away.

___________________________

All of us grew up in different cultures, environments and values. There is definitely room for disparity and contest when we discuss about some of them; how they affect our thinking and behaviour. Subjectivity plays a bigger role here.

Talk about Nature v.s. Nurture.

There is no right or wrong. We live by principles. Personal ones; be it pre-determined by religion, the society or the environment. It is always good to know that we should always be able to answer to our consciences for the actions we do.

Sometimes, we can’t. So then, what do we do?

As our biological makeup tells us, we compensate.

Ah ha! Sometimes the society doesn’t give you the chance for redemption. Sometimes, it’s the people. Sometimes, it’s the stereotype you give others.

Sometimes, you yourself don’t give yourself the chance to. Somehow, there is the missing link that caused all these.

Good night people. The day is coming, and I am not at all, excited.

The Feast.

2007-07-29T04:11:00.000+08:00

The chandeliers alight, amidst the gracious dancing crowd.

The dinner's a feast, the atmosphere's light as a cloud.

There harboured a deadly silence, probably too loud.

All but one gentleman sits on that unique couch.

~dylan

十指紧扣

2007-07-27T03:38:00.000+08:00

即使可以畅聚
最幸运的一对伴侣
沿途仍旧要牵手伴随
原来为了温馨之中带着了恐惧
若那对手放松了会怕失去

紧紧拥抱以外
我用什么感到被爱
沿途陪着你手松下来
遗留十时空间谁相信你在乎我
若那缺陷拉阔随时会分开

谁都知双手可紧扣不依不舍的背后这个信念有多温柔
从害怕会被拥有直到力气不够十只手指终於找得到对手
能开不能心都紧扣辛不辛苦都接受是
一个成就
可惜我只想与一个人尾指一勾也没有

紧紧拥抱以外我用什么感到被爱
沿途伴着你手松下来
遗留十时空间谁相信你在乎我
若那缺陷拉阔随时会分开

谁都知双手可紧扣不依不舍的背后这个信念有多温柔
从害怕会被拥有
直到力气不够十只手指终於找得到对手

能开不能心都紧扣辛不辛苦都接受
是一个成就
可惜我只得我一个人绕起双手

谁都知双手可紧扣不依不舍的背后这个信念有多温柔
从害怕会被拥有直到力气不够十只手指就是绝望时扶手
能开不能心都紧扣辛不辛苦都接受
是一个成就
可惜我只想与一个人尾指一勾也没有

A Night To Remember.

2007-07-25T01:20:00.001+08:00

I'd thought that it would just be a simple dinner, with a little booze and singing and off we'll go by 11, just in time before the surcharge sets in.

Boy I was wrong.

It turned out to be a wedding discussion, some mind-provoking thoughts with loads of humour blended in.

That is why I decided to blog, knowing that verbalism at that point in time wouldn't earn me any credit.

A few things happened to rock my mind just now, but due to some sort of mild intoxication (as it always does), I shall only briefly talk about some issues which my mind could still remember.

One issue that spurred my mind into the thinking process was on morality. Morality is a very subjective and debatable topic. How does one define this very simple word but yet carry an abyssal of disputable ideas? To one, visiting nightclubs can be defined as a morally acceptable rite of a male as long as there are no sexual acts involved; while some deemed that as long as you visit such places, you are just so wrong.

Then again, how do we define the term, 'sexual act?' Morality is just way too subjective to be thought upon from a generalist's point of view. Some said that the concept of morality is derived from the culture where one lives in while there is contest that morality is based on religious grounds. Some believe that morality is derived from oneself; the kind of environment the person grows up in. Talk about principles.

Okay, this is a topic which can go on and on, and so I shall just let it dwell in me (if it ever does).

And so, we talk about marriage subsequently.

I have this strong feeling that the environment does change a person drastically. Especially so in Singapore. The pragmatism is simply too strong. So much so that when it doesn't change a person for the better, it changes the person's way of life and habits.

Sometimes, so much so that I almost cannot recognise the person whom I know, albeit some parts of him didn't change.

Then, we did talk about what we want out of life. Money-oriented, or purpose-oriented? There is always this stigma there remains deeply ingrained in Singaporeans. Money is power.

Some of us are way too overwhelmed by the fact that money makes the world go round. To the guy, money makes the women go round (and this is pretty true to a certain extent; personal opinions though). Indeed, having money is important in Singapore. People recognise your status in the society by looking at the thick stash of credit cards in that folding leather wallet of yours. People look at the car you drive. They look at the job you are holding, whether there are any routes for further, potential advancements.

Now, who really gives two hoots about you even if you really love the person deeply, with all your heart but hold a mediocre job, let alone a career.

Okay, so much for today.

Good night people.

Let's live in a perfect world (and so they say).

2007-07-24T18:16:00.000+08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

BlogThings

2007-07-24T00:25:00.000+08:00

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you save for a rainy day.

You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be methodical in your ways - with trouble adapting to the rules of society.

You have a tendency to overdo things, but basically you value your friendships highly.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you don't have any particular type in mind, but you are inclined to look for someone who will say yes when you ask him / her out.

Who's The True You?

You Are 72% Gentleman

You are definitely a gentleman. You're very considerate and you have excellent manners.
Occasionally, you slip and do something foolish... but usually no one notices!

Are You A Gentleman?

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.

You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.

In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.

Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

Damn it this one hit me right in the spot!

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt.
And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting.
Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt.
And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

Totally WRONG!

You Are 65% Normal

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal
You're like most people most of the time
But you've got those quirks that make you endearing
You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

Reasons.

2007-07-18T02:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, people do things for the right reasons. Sometimes, half-right reasons. Sometimes, the wrong reasons which they thought are really legitimate.

But again, how do we justify that something is right or wrong?

Hence the saying, one man's meat is another man's poison.

It is hard to be true to ourselves when we want to prove certain points and yet be politically correct about them. Sometimes, we give the wrong reasons to support the right reasons, and the right reasons to support the wrong reasons.

__________

That is why sometimes, I choose to be quiet and keep it lying low. At the very least, I am being answerable to my conscience, safe for the unbearable feeling of holding it within.

2007-07-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

The rain fell incessantly from the skies,
flowers in the garden refuse to reply.
No matter how hard it is; I try.
You just ain't moved and that is fine.

The lonely man sleeps with the passing of time.

The love has only impatience left confined,
who else can I put my heart to confide.
White and black keys on the piano side by side,
just a missing piece disrupts all vibes.

A deeply-etched heart knows nothing of goodbye,
it is clear yet you wanted me to explain why.
Falling deeply in love makes one fanatically inclined;
I betray myself to accommodate your rhyme.

How Time Flies.

2007-07-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

It was pretty nostalgic spending an hour odd reading my old posts. I cannot believe that I wrote some of them.

It has been so long and so much that I have gone through in the past two years. Unbelievable.

I was thinking about the whole idea of blogging. What do your readers want to read? Your mundane, boring lifestyle or your inner thoughts? Interestingly, I know of personal and anonymous readers who 'originated' from a few of my friends' blogs. Rather consistent viewerships from them (I know because I have spies. LOL).

It appears that all my previous entries were intensively painted with a heavy tone of melancholy and personal emotions. Nowadays, these thoughts never manifest in my blog anymore because they seem so insignificant and not worthy of any mention. Pale in comparison with what other people are going through. Life is great the way it is now (less the lack of much desired company in times of dire needs) and I would love to live it this way.

It is always good to relive the good o'days sometimes.

Good night people.

2007-07-16T16:45:00.001+08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Randoms.

2007-07-16T15:10:00.000+08:00

I have too many random thoughts nowadays that I have absolutely no idea how to pen it down appropriately.

Got to work hard and graduate soon. Get a car. Convenient (albeit pocket kosong)
People changed over a few years. There is really room for comparison when you keep hanging out with them. Sometimes you don't quite get used to it.
The holiday is coming to an end and I think when that day comes, it is catastrophic because I'm still lagging terribly behind in my FYP. Singapore not enough lizards lah.
The world is such a small place.
I'm feeling poetic now.
I'm so into wlny. It gives me a new perspective to people's attitude and character.
I haven't clear my IPPT. Nor booked my test date yet. Charge me.
No idea how to clear my birthday this year. Slack at home, perhaps.
Latest adores: Luciano Soprani Uomo and Armani Code.
I want a new Nokia N80. Like, desperately.

Tired, blog again later.

A Flame

2007-07-15T23:40:00.001+08:00

A flame that burns great in passion,

liken to a fire with no cessation.

Waxing and waning, the flame's persistence,

soon to be burnt out with life's obsessions.

Quotes, yet again.

2007-07-02T19:43:00.000+08:00

Here are more quotes that I have found online (suddenly inspired to do this post, by some recent 'alarming' news):

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
The Japanese have a word for it.It's Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding.The Western equivalent of judo is, 'Yes, dear.'
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Marriage is not a simple love affair, it's an ordeal, and the ordeal is the sacrifice of ego to a relationship in which two have become one.
A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls a victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him.
It is better for a woman to love a man who loves her more than she loves him.
Know her mind and you can have her body, know her heart and you have her soul.
Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
When a man steals your date, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

__________

In just a short 3-year timespan, I have been to at least 6 wedding dinners, in addition to a few more impending registrations of marriages.

It is always heart-warming and sweet to be able to be part of the wedding crowd, sitting down there listening couples sharing their love experiences and giving thanks for who they have become today.

However, what really makes my heart feel is when I hear of close friends tying the knot (soon/in future). I don't know how to explain it. It is not as if it is for granted that these two person will get married in due time (although for some, that applies) but the type of feeling that runs through your mind and nerves somehow feels tangible, and you feel all excited about it.

Going to get busy with my final year project soon!

I'll see you people when I see you.

Good day people.

What Are Your Favourite Quotes?

2007-06-19T00:22:00.000+08:00

Some personal favourites:

"I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you."
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
"You are a nutritional overachiever."
"Men are to fine wine as women are to fresh milk."
"People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. "
"Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. "
"The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "
"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. "
"Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos."
"Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting. "
"Some people approach every problem with an open mouth. "
"Actions lie louder than words."
"Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire."
"Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee,"

- A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row, raised his hand and said, "Wedding Cake".

Enough for today. By the way, I didn't cook those sayings up. Really cool!

Good night people.

Dylan's Mai new Name.

2007-06-18T05:11:00.000+08:00

Hi folks, and I am Dylan here. Pleased to meet you.

Had a great night out with Jimbi watching an el-cheapo movie at Princess after a heaty bowl of chendol. Supposed to play golf that evening but his dragon wasn't at home (see: Eragon).

I would love to have a dragon of my own!

And he's got a darn cute miniature brown poodle called Milo at his place. So cute that he looks like a A.I. soft toy when he runs about.

Okay, I am tired. More to come in days to come.

Good day people. =)

Drama Mama.

2007-06-16T11:04:00.000+08:00

I think a picture paints a thousand words. Or rather, seeing is believing. Well, I learnt quite a few things last night.

Vodka Redbull causes insomnia.
You never know if your friend is feeling uber down until she breaks down and cry and start telling you stories.
I know what MBA stands for!

__________

One and a half weeks down the row, in addition to a few meet ups. And viola! Things took a 360 degree revolution.

Well, looks are really deceiving. Such 'easy-goingness'! Such deceit.

I guess there are some appropriate words to describe things which are taboo here. I flipped and turned and can't get to sleep because I had just seen things which injected some unfathomable thoughts into my mind, somewhat 'intravenous' such that my whole body felt the difference.

I am always learning and I am glad to have learnt about this person who just introduced me to another chapter of my life.

Welcome to Planet Earth.

The Name Game

2007-06-14T19:54:00.000+08:00

It has been rather frustrating to have people asking my name over and over again because it is simply noisy in a pub/club/what-have-you and the torment of people calling me by the car name. Hence, I decide to give myself an English name.

froggy is definitely out of the story. Don't give me suggestions like this. Please leave other viable suggestions in the tagboard, if you wish.

Thankiew yous bery much.

Rub-A-Dub-Dub

2007-06-12T01:27:00.000+08:00

It does seem that I rarely blog nowadays and yet I have the so-called 'avid' readers still stalking this humble little web space here.

Thank you all so much.

I have just begun my final year project and things do not seem to be going that fine for now. Well, even Maggi mee needs time to straighten out in hot water.

__________

There are some things which probably need some clarifications once and for all, although it has been repeated in past posts. I am single, so is she. We ain't one item aye?

__________

Half of the holiday is gone and it does not feel like the case. I need a hiatus in this holiday. And if you are wondering what I have been up to, fret not. Nothing's going on so far and I just go back to school almost everyday to catch lizards and do my project. Nothing juicy so do not speculate.

It has been eons since I last went to k and they have tonnes of new songs. Man am I outdated! And frequent taggers of this blog have gone missing. Hey Jimbo, I don't think Adsense blocked my site as well right? =)

__________

This site needs some revamping and repairing on some of the links. But until then, stay tuned.

Good day people.

Laughter is the best medicine (sometimes)

2007-05-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

**********

Thank You!

2007-05-18T21:03:00.000+08:00

Get Your Cyborg Name

Extracted from Eric's blogger page.

Thank you Eric bro, I feel appreciated. =)

Thanks, for making my day although I'm stuck at home on a TGIF. =))

It's Been Long

2007-05-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I blog.

In the past, I blog almost everyday. Now, I blog every month.

Life has taken a toll on me (again) recently. Surprisingly, it was not the teaching practice that brought me down and under.

Just something which I can feel within me, but I cannot explain why.

Just like not everything in life can be explained, this applies to me now.

Sometimes, some things need not be explained. It just (doesn't) come and not matter how long it takes, the results remain the same.

Nowadays, I just wait for the sun to appear, and it will make me happy enough for the day.

Sometimes, I do things and I ask myself whether I am happy doing them. Initially, I was really, truthfully happy. As time goes by and I ask myself the same thing again, the answer became ambiguous, albeit almost to the point of certainty that it was just something I do just to occupy time. The meaning is clouded. I do not seem to see the purpose clearly anymore.

And everyday, I remain the same; I wait for the sun to come out and play with me.

我知道你我都没有错, 只是忘了怎么退后.

Those, which are unspoken of.

2007-05-06T17:59:00.000+08:00

I am back!

With miscellaneous thoughts over a few quiet moments with my inner soul.

Sometimes, I think I spend too much time being alone. Feels like an invisible capsule enveloping my head, with my Nokia headset resonating tunes from Class 95; just like an animal totally satisfied within its metallic bars though totally stripped of freedom.

This in turn gives birth to waves of turbulent-like thoughts. Turbulence in shred-like strands of coloured memories definitively pleasing to the eye, it subtlely felt like deja vu.

Thinking about the things I do. Or did. About the flagrant life I had. Or have. Tasted distinctively like a vicious cycle. Unspoken of in recent times; that yearning so tempting like the beckoning of the forbidden fruit.

I once fell.

And regained my stand.

Temporal pleasures unworthy of relishing, my life seems to be filled with simple pleasures instead.

These elusive thoughts of mine.

I pen them down.

It is a thorn in the heart that many happy and enjoyable moments cannot manifest in words here.

Yes indeed, and those, which are unspoken of shall remain in the cages.

Good day people!

罗志祥 - 好朋友

2007-04-06T17:23:00.000+08:00

像两首节拍不同的歌
却又同时被爱情合奏
旋律勉强着

愉快不能够假装快乐
你心中有宽阔的天空
空气还稀薄

曾经等待因为会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

如果爱情是五线谱
我只希望用全音符
吟唱出爱上你那完整的幸福

当你的心没有耳朵
即使我为你唱着歌
你也只看见我哭了

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心还会不会寂寞

曾经因为等待会改变什么
你总会属于我
但是最后时间证明了
你只喜欢我

你说我比较像你的好朋友
只是不小心拥抱着
你道歉你难过于是我给你笑容
谁在乎我的心ho 还会不会寂寞

你说我, 我是你最好的朋友
却不应该再拥抱着
你退缩你冷漠于是我放开双手
不在乎我的心会永远的寂寞

OMFG!

2007-04-04T02:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, I can't believe my eyes.

Nothing big actually, but still, it amazes me.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY KNOW HIM!

Okay, it is such a small world isn't it?

Anyway, all the best to the two of you. =)

I shall leave some comments to myself.

Me, myself and I.

__________

Ah ger, dying for some updates right? Here you go:

12 more days before everything end. My attachment, that is.

So far, late nights and early mornings with around 3 hours of sleep, have made me an ironman. Albeit I fall asleep sometimes while marking worksheets and compositions, it is still refreshing to know that sometimes at the end of the day, I get to do what I really want to do.

Aiyah all in all, this attachment is draining. Period.

What other updates do you want? Heh.

Good day people.

Marking scripts has its own kind of fun.

2007-04-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

Okay, I shall create a list of boo-boos from my kids' writing. Please do take note that I am not mocking at their writings, but just some kind of cute one-liners that kids can produce.

"He waited for a very long time to see if he really is bored."
"He rubbed the matchstick on the box and it caught fire."
"His maid was sitting behind him , she was not doing her job, she was obviously slacking off."
"He did not see a comb lying on the floor and tripped on it."
"Boom!! The curtain and John's hand was on fire."
"The doctor treated him so well that his hand had no more pain."
"He accidently lit the match and got the candle burning."
"The maid jumped down the stairs as she had heard the cry."

More to come. And yes, this composition is a picture composition talking about a boy playing with fire.

Laters.

Back (with randoms)

2007-03-29T22:51:00.000+08:00

I think I am living in some forms of self-denial.

Practicum is too draining as well. But still manageable for the time being with 3 more weeks left.

I entered the teaching profession with the liking for educating young kids.

Now I feel that I am beginning to fall in love with this idea instead of liking it.

This leads us to one conclusion: love can be developed.

How I miss the good o'company of the buddies.

_______________

Michael Jackson says we should heal the world.

Who will heal me then?

_______________

I think my complexion improved. Muahaha!

Well, there is always something in life to look forward to.

Good day people.

知足

2007-02-25T13:50:00.000+08:00

怎么去拥有一道彩
怎么去拥抱一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能知道足够

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛

那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱着那一年的歌
那样的回忆那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞

如果你快乐再不是为我
知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

Jaded.

2007-01-31T12:42:00.000+08:00

48 hours in two days, 3 hours of sleep altogether.

Totally shacked out.

A presentation later and luckily it is more or less sorted out.

__________

Sometimes, it's not easy being green.

Being green is just who I am.

And I think it wouldn't be really hard to see whether I'm really green, or I am a chameleon-like frog.

Well, good day people.

Behold!

2007-01-30T00:24:00.000+08:00

It has been three and a half weeks into the third-year second semester.

And I felt like there are a lot of fabrications going on in school.

This blog is still stalked.

Biased speculations, baseless assumptions and "story-making" make life so interesting sometimes. Not on my part though.

Well, NIE is a platform for creative minds at work isn't it?

But I abhor such creativity. It should be used in more useful areas like lesson, fieldtrip plannings and classroom management.

Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

Behold! Karma is near!

__________

During the holidays, I felt that I needed work to engage my intellect. To stimulate the complacent mind. Now that work has set in, I feel the polarity of my thoughts conjuring up with increasing intensity.

Can I just rest for a day or two without any work in mind?

__________

I wonder what's happening in Jimbi's life now. Same old thing, he refuses to divulge. Well, as busy as I can be, I'll always be here to lend a listening frog's ear. =)

And I can't wait for the weekend to come. Housewarming cum wedding dinner at Raffles Hotel. The monetary damage is going to be so darn high. There better be good food and complimenting drinks.

__________

There is going to be a group-conducted fieldwork at the HDB Hub later on. And my group is presenting! But I'm quite stoned now. Can't get down to my script for some spastic self-rehearsing. And yes, stay tuned for the details of my round-island cycling trip two weeks ago.

Laters.

A Glass of Wine, And Some Little Thoughts (with No Promises).

2007-01-20T04:26:00.000+08:00

It has been a pretty long day today.

Had a recce at Toa Payoh's HDB hub at about 11am for my Social Studies module, accompanied the angel for a medical appointment at NUH, followed by rollerblade shopping (which turned out to be fruitless), then to Toa Payoh again for dinner at Crystal Jade with the angel, the sister and the mum. Went to town for a late night movie of Blood Diamond, send her back on the night rider and passed by Toa Payoh for the 3rd time.

And I just got home at 4am.

Opened a small bottle of 1998 Cabernet Sauvignon and started to drink abit despite the fact that I feel pretty stoned now.

"Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.

Every time you're near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high."

How aptly put.

The wine has perhaps turned bad, with a paltry and dry taste to it; the colour an off-red, a strong aromatic woody yet mildy-spiced fragrance exuded from the warmth of my right palm as I held on to the base of the bubble of the glass.

Always said I would know where to find love, always thought I'd be ready and strong enough. But some times I just felt I could give up.

But...

你给我信仰爱情的勇气.

Maybe, to be continued.

Good night people.

Time.

2007-01-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

Darn it. My previously drafted post got deleted as my IE hung just now. Now I have to recollect my thoughts because it was a bloody long one. ARGH.
____________

I looked at the FHM (mis)placed haphazardly on my pile of past-semestral notes.

Issue: Feb 2006, with Erica Lee as the cover-page model.

How time flies. It has been almost a year already. Although the notes remained unpacked. Although the mouse-potato computer routine dies hard. Although the atmosphere of my room still feels stifling and slight-claustrophobically inhibiting.

Some things never change.

But some things, they do.

Nonethelessly, I've learnt a few new things about myself.

Some people became fearful of me.
Some people say I am cute.
Some people say I am reliable.
Some people say I'm silly.

But I guess, this is just me. Maybe, some parts of me manifested with time, coupling it with the ever-evolving circumstances around me.

Time does change me, for the better and/or the worst. Depends on how you view me, that is.

____________

As I reminisced into the past (meaning to say, around half a year back onwards), I have positive thoughts about rekindling my previous relationship. Thoughts about how life with her would be if she changes. How fantastic life would be with her if the changes were to take place.

I even thought to myself, that how would I feel one day when I suddenly wake up and moved on? At that point in time, I cannot find a proper, logical explanation or rather, I told myself I can't do it.

But even as motivating thoughts emerged from me, potently overwhelming negative thoughts set in as well. It is not like the candle fire that waxes and wanes.

Doubtfulness and apprehension overrode the positivity of them all as time went by. Now it felt so funny even trying to think about it again.

I guess some matters need no further elaborations. Pretty indicative of where I'm heading towards isn't it?

_________

Well, this semester has been pretty much relaxing compared with the previous one. No long, tormenting lectures and tutorials that seem like eons, no caffeinated nights mugging for examinations and assignment mad rushes. Well, some of the previously-mentioned do apply to this semester as well. This semester seems stressful in its unique way in the sense that there is practicum.

But all these made much more bearable with intrinsic motivation budding within me from the angel.

Thank you.

Albeit at times, it does feel like femme fatale.

_________

I know (and confirmed) that this blog is under the surveillance of watchful eyes waiting to prey on the juicy bits of my life. My only request for you guys out there would be, to read and forget. There's nothing much here worthy of critical discussions, hypotheses-making and speculations after assimilating what I've penned down ever so truthfully here.

Thank you so very much.

Good day people.

Aching Thighs, Queasy Stomach.

2007-01-10T00:38:00.000+08:00

It was pleasant and invigorating to have exercised two days in a row, one day alone, and today with company.

Tight muscles and aches all over the body seem to liberate many many thoughts from me.

But I guess, thoughts are somehow chained to the wallows of the mind. Liberated but yet not-so-liberated.

Well, running seems to be a much more better way to clear the mind as compared to guzzling down the fizzy, golden-yellow liquid, albeit running makes one pretty stoned and perhaps, blur as a sort of aftermath. I should get used to it, nonethelessly.

Random thoughts for today:

It would be nice to cuddle up with a special someone on this (yet again) rainy night.
It is nice to have a good, full meal after running.
I would want to exercise on a regular basis.
I want to be able to sleep before 3am everyday (safe for exceptions).
It is time to start work!

The sweet-smelling rain does hold untold stories. Sad, happy, bitter and sour and the what-nots. All blended into one concoction which might leave a bitter or sweet aftertaste. Maybe it all depends on the drinker.

有些事情你现在不必问, 有些人你永远不必等.

Blogs.

2007-01-06T03:48:00.000+08:00

How much can I blog in this personal space of mine, where it has been a site for rumour-mongers and anonymous taggers?

As such, a few of my posts (and future posts perhaps) will be hosted on another mutual friend's blog. PM me for the address, and I may give it to you.

Sorry for the snobbishness here, for I have experienced enough to be wary of "outsiders" who invade my blog with a hidden agenda.

But anyway, if you are close enough to me, you don't have to read my blog to know what went on in my life these few weeks.

And I went without food for today. *growls*

Hmm, a last word of thanks to someone who impacted my life, and left beautiful memories in me. Although our agendas are different, I still appreciate all these while. I'd try my best not to think towards your agenda for it brings nothing to me.

Good night people.

Quizzical frog.

2007-01-05T15:42:00.000+08:00

Okay people, I guess some of you are having problems with the quiz link.

As such, click here.

And I've found a new blogging space!

Good day people.

How Well Do You Know The Frog?

2007-01-03T05:13:00.000+08:00

Take My Quiz on
QuizYourFriends.com

Darn.

2007-01-03T03:17:00.000+08:00

Oh man, I suddenly felt so stupid. I cannot help to be stupid because it is just me. My character.

Stupid thoughts I have make me so uncomfortable.

A silly frog I am.

Nothing is for sure, and I am so foolish to feel this way.

ARGH!

"I'll be a fool, but just for you."

Obligatories + Updates.

2007-01-03T02:11:00.000+08:00

Merry New Year to all avid readers of this humble little webspace of mine!

Again, this is the obligatory, but never mind that.

It was a tiring day for me, with a lack of sleep the night before plus a few games of badminton and long-distance cycling. All strenuous exercises.

New Year's Eve was a boring night. Chilled at Cosy Bay with Jo and Min, with 'excellent" service and a running nose.

Clubbed a few times as well for the past three weeks, and got free boozing at times. It is interesting to see people getting high and doing silly things as well.

As the holiday comes to an end in a few days' time, many aspects of my life come to an end as well. Things are going to feel different when school reopens, with practicum and all. More club events. Lesser chilling and more mad rushes of assignments by the CNY.

I am really wondering, and I looking forward to school, or am I dreading the impending 8th Jan? Maybe, there is nothing left to look forward to except for a shift in the mindset.

Well, the past three weeks have been enjoyable, memorable and empathetic at times. I see and learn new things from others, I saw different sides of the human mind; different perspectives of life.

I tend to be persuasive in nature, probably I'll attribute it to my personality. But sometimes, I guess I have to put myself into different mindtrips and see things from a broader point of view.

Sometimes, I shouldn't even question myself why things (are going to) feel different. Asking begets more questions in the end. Ignorance is bliss indeed.

Hmm, make the best out of it all.

And thank you for making my holiday such a blessed and magical one.

Good night people.

Updates (If You Like).

2006-12-29T01:56:00.000+08:00

It has been a eventful year so far; turmoils, pleasures, happiness, melancholy and all. Emotions experienced were/are beyond description. But I guess, definitely fruitful to a certain extent, up to how one choose to view it all.

I can never thank my friends enough for being there for me when I was sick, tormented, happy, ecstatic and confused. You guys make my day everyday.

That does sound cliche, but those are obligatories anyway. Haha.

Life has pretty much been the same this holiday (as compared to last year's), albeit significantly different in some sense. Some things in life are simply short-lived, especially good times. But nonetheless, I had an extremely blessed holiday this time round.

One Christmas followed by the New Year Day holiday in the following week definitely seems like something that school-goers wish for. A nice and long hiatus full of partying from weekend to weekend.

I felt that I've grown out of the partying scene.

But still, I did mention that it is the company that counts more than anything else.

Sadly, things don't feel the same this year. It is a sublimal thought that sunk in after everything has come to past. During last year's Christmas gathering, I told the mates that it was a bad 2005. Fully agreed. And we proclaimed that 2006 will not let us down again.

Yet, the snowballing effect of incidents never fail to overwhelm that prevalent thought we once had as 2006 encroaches in the borders of 2007.

What have we accomplished so far in 2006? Are we proud of our accomplishments, if any?

What are the bad things that had happened to us? Are we able to get over them as 2007 draws nearer? Or are we going to live in the shadows of our phobia and memories?

I chose to abandon them all, not even allowing them to remain as remnants at the back of my mind.

Because they do me no good. It's finally time to wake up and be practical (if I manage to), I hope.

Sometimes, this little humble space of mine cannot harbour too many thoughts for the fear of being exposed, either intentionally or unintentionally. Thus, my poor mind have to tolerate my little facets of life.

There are people who said this webspace of mine is sad. Melancholic. Depressing. Full of emotions. But that is really who I am when I go into deep thought. I can choose to be happy and talk about the merry I've made all these while.

But c'mon, I don't want to fall that hard again after having a few excruciatingly-painful falls. I rather be realistic than to be a poseur.

Few understood me; maybe none. I'm still waiting faithfully for the day when I receive the gift of love; someone who will tell me that she is willing to understand my complexity within the simplicity I tend to exhibit all the time.

Well, enjoy the magic while it lasts, and time will confirm the rest.

Good night people. I guess, I am happy (for now).

范逸臣 - 除此之外

2006-12-25T18:54:00.000+08:00

This is a song dedication to someone who has affected my life in a way or another. A song that speaks the language of my heart.

A song which reflects perfectly.

And this is for you.

Say goodnight, 晚安
谢谢你陪我一整个夜晚
Close your eyes, be quiet
我明白你有自己的不安

很多来不及我不曾看见
我只遇见你的现在
不管你接受或离开
I hope to stay for a while

除此之外, 要你明白
你的笑我真是喜欢看
于是我一次又一次等待
其实都还算愉快

除此之外, 非常遗憾
你的心我还是打不开
And if you need somebody
我确定我会在, 不会走开

So goodbye, 晚安
舍不得看你觉得不自在
It's alright, I'm fine
看起来这故事会写不完

很多差一点你没有发现
你只认识我的现在
不管你留下或走开
I'm gonna stay for a while

除此之外, 我要你明白
你的笑我真是喜欢看
于是我一次又一次等待
其实都还算愉快

除此之外, 非常遗憾
你的心我还是打不开
And if you need somebody
我确定我会在

除此之外, 我还在等待
你的心将为我敞开
But if you need somebody
你知道我会
不会走开

Somewhere Only We Know.

2006-12-25T04:35:00.000+08:00

You know, this song never really had a meaning to me, except that the tune was rhythmically soothing.

Until now, I see the true meaning of it all, because it suddenly dawned upon me that after all, there is a meaning to it.

So, why don't we go somewhere only we know? Where we've found those happiness as we know all of it are going to end soon.

This could be the end of everything.

So why don't we go,

somewhere only we know?

2006-12-24T04:59:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep; my head seems to get heavier by the days.

Should I say, I get asphyxiated at times.

I think, certain things in life do leave good memories, as opposed to traumatic ones. Really.

Even till today, I'm enjoying the simple pleasures of life.

But sometimes, these simple pleasures don't seem to be simple at times.

Meaningful, and purposeful though.

However, with a price to pay (eventually).

Good night people.

游鸿明 - 爱我的人和我爱的人

2006-12-23T05:14:00.000+08:00

This is one nice song which I have dug up from my super old, cob-webbed collection of songs.

Enjoy.

盼不到我爱的人
我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人
片刻柔情它骗不了人
我不是无情的人
却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真, 忘了我的人

爱我的人对我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对
谁对谁不必虚伪

爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝痴情的包围

Notice.

2006-12-22T04:33:00.000+08:00

I don't really appreciate anonymous taggers, especially those with hostility and/or animosity (for whatever reasons there might be).

This sort of thing disdains me to quite a large extent, I would say. And I don't think it would be nice to publish the I.P address for that matter (for the time being).

I guess I don't have to explain any of my actions, thoughts and decisions made in my life unless I see a real need to do so.

If anyone would love to know anything (or a clearer picture of things) for one reason or another, you can kindly leave your name/email, or you can simply email me (if you can even bother to).

Good night people.

p.s. The tag has been removed, so do not bother scrolling down the taggy and see what really happened.

Hmm..

2006-12-20T05:08:00.000+08:00

For those who mistakenly think (thought) that I am currently attached now, let me clarify.

I am currently a single man as of now.

Well, I don't know where the "misunderstanding" came from, but I hope it is cleared now.

Good night people.

蔡依林 - 假装

2006-12-19T04:27:00.000+08:00

呼吸着一种孤独的味道
心跳在你沉默以后慢慢的被淡忘掉
我笑了笑反正你看不到
我要的幸福遗落在你怀抱

当爱失了焦
那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮走着看着都是摧眠符号

记忆停不了
穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道
我只想不被打扰

假装多好我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱
一直会让我依靠
继续等待还心甘情愿的不想逃

当爱失了焦
那些最初的美好
早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮走着看着都是摧眠符号

记忆停不了
穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道
我只想不被打扰

假装多好我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱
一直会让我依靠
继续等待心甘情愿不想逃

假装多好依然是依然是暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹
两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

像是驼鸟相信时间是唯一解药
视而不见傻到了无可救药
其实早明了你的爱已随风飘
想要找再也找不到

假装多好我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱
还心甘情愿的不想逃

假装多好依然是依然是暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹
两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套

假装自己已解开冰冷的手铐

A Bed of Roses.

2006-12-18T16:19:00.000+08:00

"Well, it has always been a bed of roses till now hasn't it?"

Sadly, roses have thorns.

A Nice Weekend.

2006-12-18T03:12:00.000+08:00

Hi people, a nice weekend so far, with more great things to come along.

But this post comes with, actually, a hidden agenda.

Maybe you can just do a little favour by clicking here, go to MS 111, and maybe, vote for a friend of mine.

If that face doesn't really suit your personal preference of lust, you can, well, vote for another one but remember, I'm really just asking for a simple favour.

SMS to 81752709 the Miss Momo Santarina's contestant number (e.g. MS 111) and followed by your name, IC Number and your mobile number.

Good night people.

Crescent Sonata.

2006-12-16T04:10:00.000+08:00

The crescent casts a dubious reflection of beauty and apprehension over the reservoir waters.

I live by the day. Maybe I should continue this way.

Sweetness At Its Very Best.

2006-12-13T10:25:00.000+08:00

For those who know, I'm blessed, truly.

Good day people. (",)

Yesterday, All The Troubles Seem So Far Away.

2006-12-07T18:26:00.000+08:00

It was a blast yesterday. Rollerblading with Amanda at East Coast Park and clubbing at night.

But she's cool. A fellow bio bunchie knows how to blade as well, although she's a noob. Abit buey zai but can make it. =)

Then she forgot her concession card was still with the rental shop AFTER we board the bus. As a result, we walked all the way back. Now she owes me 2 bowls of 3-eggs porridge.

That girl demands hot shower, so I gracefully asked her over to my place for a shower before she goes off again. She picked my dressing for that night (hot and stuffy though) and left lots of hair in my room after blowing her hair dry. It has been a long time since clusters of long hair have been spotted once again.

Zouk-ing was a whack, but until 12am only, and then regained momentum at 2am.

What happened in between that short short period of time was traumatising. But I guess, to each his/her own. I don't really know it is lust or love that things happened between my friends but I think there's a time and place for everything, without getting caught.

The music was alright. Not that fantastic, but overall, the bunch of mates were good. Cute dancing, the fanciful mirages of hand movements likened to "Para Para." and the babes.

A not-too-wasted night, if you ask me. Can DEFINITELY be improved though.

It Is The Day When I Needed Something.

2006-12-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

I am one who needs constant attention. Assurance.

Because they contribute to my self-esteem, which I guess I lack of quite substantially recently.

It is a new day tomorrow of blading and clubbing. Yay!

And I thank all my friends who have been incessantly nagging at me through MSN and text messaging (Ser Ling, Amanda, Choong, Olivia, fio and a few others) to drink more water. I can never thank you guys enough for the concern. But sometimes, beer helps also lah.

Serious.

You guys rock my c*ck (quoted) through this period of sickness after the examinations.

And I miss Bro Jim, Ivan and Eric!

The skies will always be grey. The sun is just pale in comparison.

2006-12-04T02:23:00.000+08:00

Everyday, something interesting will happen. But sometimes I just don't see the need to pen it down.

Days of clubbing, sickness, mugging and slacking. Some segments of it are definitely worth remembering and reminiscing about. Some of them left engraved impressions in my heart.

At last, something worth remembering!

But albeit there're moments as mentioned, we don't forget disappointments, anger, some negative cognitions and the whats-not.

Sometimes, I miss the mugging days. There is a focus, at the very least.

Not like the emptiness and voidness that crept behind my back after the examinations. An empty mind is the devil's playground.

But, being sick makes me feel like a bum.

The skies have been grey and sunny intermittently.

I guess, that applies to all humanity as well.

Sleepless.

2006-12-02T07:49:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep, so I resorted to medication.

I won't die, would I?

Tonight.

2006-11-30T05:39:00.000+08:00

It has been fun catching up with old friends and all. They never fail to let me see another perspective of life.

And that's part one only.

Part 2 was really, really interesting. I have really loads of emotions during that phase.

I felt sour and bitter for quite a long time, but somehow, also happy.

Nonetheless, her friend was interesting. I cannot imagine that she actually asked that question, which stunned me as well.

Good day people.

Expectations.

2006-11-26T16:39:00.000+08:00

In life, there are expectations.

Either you live up to them, or you don't. That's common sense.

And when you don't, you screw yourself up.

But that's really okay you know.

The worst thing that can happen is, you screw other people up as well.

I Wonder.

2006-11-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I wonder if I can cope with I have on hand now.

Sometimes, I wonder about a lot of things.

All of which cannot come into this little humble page of mine.

Sometimes, I wonder about my existence on this place.

Sometimes, I wonder about my worth.

As I create this post, I thought back on something which I had written previously. I wish I can think that way again.

It is hard, lah.

I'm just like any other boys out there.

8 More Hours.

2006-11-20T01:41:00.000+08:00

Hong Da, you're screwed big time this time round.

Sometimes.

2006-11-18T05:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I spent too much time analysing what other people say on tagboards.

No, not mine. Of course I know what's going on in mine.

And obviously, I spent the time analysing other people's tagboard and consequentially, invoking thoughts within myself.

Sometimes, I wish I don't have to resort to drinking to relax myself. Drinking has both its pros and cons, apart from physical damage and "addiction."

I'm sick of studying, and at the same time, having the same old problem bugging me year after year. Life definitely have something better in place for me isn't it?

The mundanity of life is something that I always want to get out of.

Good morning people.

Muggadoodle

2006-11-17T18:24:00.000+08:00

I mugged at Starbuck's and RV Plaza's Mac with fio last night. Apologies for arriving so late. HAHA! It was funny lah. The most vivid thing I could remember was at Mac. I think she managed to subdue one chapter of her cina while I managed to do a readthrough of a few chapters.

And I won't be studying tonight! *evil*

She was funny lah. I cannot imagine she can be as lame as me and yet put on such a serious front. Yes I got defeated at my own game this time. #@$@$!#@$!@. But nonetheless, interesting to sustain the whole night. The talk of the night was about our cups of tea. So you see, we were sitting beside the power socket (I needed to charge my laptop) and that's the place where they plug in the free coffee and tea refiller thingy. She got around *counting using fingers*, 5 cups of hot water from the boy over the counter. It was hilarious that the boy knew what she exactly wanted; yet another cup of hot water.

"Oh my hot-water boy is going home. Better get more hot water before he's gone" said fio at 4am.

LOL!

Man, should have taken some pictures.

And yes, she told me how she played a guy out last Saturday at Double O. Thank God I didn't know her during clubbing. SHE'S HORRIGIBLE I SWEAR. I shall spare the details for the goodness of all MANkind, literally.

______________________

So much for an interesting night.

______________________

The Mac was playing some Chinese hits after a night long of English pop from Perfect Ten. And I subconsciously took up my pencil (not to scribble notes on what population parameters are in Ecology) and doddled a few lines of an ad-hoc poem. Just completed the full poem and so here goes.

I Thought

In the dark twilight of the revolving sphere,
I thought about myself, and I feel a little bit weird.
Series of songs diffuse into the dense cold air here,
I thought about the things that I once held dear.

Many things I had done brought me joy and tears,
I once thought about them, what are left are remorse and fear.
As days pass by, my mind became clear,
I had actually trashed the past, something that I’m very sure.

The world is never static, noises of unhappiness I hear,
among couples with hatred, and couples with love.
Never am I falling into the trap again; please do not get near,
The skies are never grey to start with in my own world here.

As I add this poem on to my collection, I realised that I have 38 poems in my collection throughout these 2.5 years. OMFG.

Good day people.

p.s. Maybe I should start a new blog just for my poems. Suggestions?

Interesting Way of Blogging.

2006-11-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

I just thought of this interesting way to blog. From now (0056 hrs) onwards until I sleep, I shall insert short episodes of my thoughts as the twilight zone stretches.

0056 hrs

Just completed 2 pages of the reading required for the 2000-word crtitical writing essay. And I pulled out a strand of hair accidentally. I hope John and Peter are getting their butts down to the reading (at least).

0107 hrs

I like to twirl my short hair while I read my readings.

0131 hrs

I just viewed my Friendster homepage. Page views jumped from 28 to 33 after I edited my profile. LOL

Okay I refreshed that page because I am taking a short break. Thomas (new "didi") and fio are talking to me now. And fio might be typing out references for my essay. Sweet girl.

0135hrs

She just gave me the references! Thank you girl.

0204hrs

Took snapshots of myself. I cannot focus. Still reading. Sigh.

0231hrs

FINALLY STARTING.

0527hrs

702 words as of now. 1298 more to go. I think CCE 301 assignments are easier. After taking a warm shower to invigorate myself, it seems that I still feel sleepy. John has gone to slumberland without starting his work. Dok gongs. I will survive. After the summary, I can finally start to gong jiao wei.

0558hrs

A few more lines before the summary is done. So I have another, 1000 words to go? No it is 998 words. Just checked. Heh.

0610hrs

TIME TO TALK RUBBISH (like, finally).

0637 hrs

Initially, I took my stand on one side of the argument. After looking through references, I realised that I want to take another side. *conflict*

And I feel the mental block enlarging by the minute.

0719hrs

Progress is generally good. Formulated my argument already and one point down. The air coming out of the aircon smells funny when it is more than 26 degree celsius. I don't know why.

1041hrs

Struggling to conclude the God darn essay. I fell asleep with my eyes opened because for a moment, I cannot hear my music playing on my laptop.

1113hrs

ONE last reference and I'm done. *zzzz*

1144hrs

Okay, sent to John for printing already. Thanks John.

OMFG it is 11 hours in total in front of my workstation.

This is madness at its best.

Updates.

2006-11-11T18:07:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time since I last blogged. About my life. Actually, it has been simple so far and easily summarised with one word.

DRAINED.

It was a wasted day in the Singapore Science Centre today. It would be much more worth it to sleep the morning away and waking up in the afternoon, fully charged up for assignments (yet again).

Assignments and presentations have leeched off my energy to think coherently at times and behave erratically. I think I have just screwed up this semester.

Come to think about it, I am still in the last May - August holiday mood. Maybe those days were too melancholic for me to relax and have fun, and therefore I am having a hell of my time now struggling with work.

It has been 2 weeks ever since I hanged out with Jimmy and co. I wonder how they are.

I was chatting with this "old" friend of mine in MSN and we talked about life. In her blog, she had her own concept of life.

Life = Simple = Beautiful = Imperfect

Therefore, Life = Imperfect

For me, simplicity in life is beauty.

I never knew someone as young as her would think this way like me. It was insightful to hear how youngsters nowadays perceive life to be. People look for excitement in the things they do. People look for meaning in the things they do. But for me, I realised that in a lot of things I have done, I look for nothing. Going through the motion. Not knowing what I want to achieve for certain actions I did.

Maybe this is what I call a simple life. Living for the present.

Nevertheless, my life is getting better as days go by.

_________________________

I just cannot wait for the Ikea at Tampines to open soon. This means that I will be getting new furniture for my room!

But before that, I need to clear up the post-war zone after the examinations before the new furniture can come in. And this time round, I am going to get a queen-sized bed. No more squeeze-squeeze in future! Man, I am just excited at the thought of it.

Erm, excited over having a revamping of my room. Don't ever let your thoughts digress for now.

Good day people.

2006-11-09T05:43:00.000+08:00

Theme: Life After War

2006-11-06T06:18:00.000+08:00

Woah. Bad attempt at photo editing.

Wah Lan Eh.

2006-10-30T08:20:00.000+08:00

I AM FINALLY DONE WITH MY WORK!

I AM SO FREAKING ELATED CAN!

WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Symptoms of an innately insane man.

Fisherman's Village

2006-10-28T02:32:00.000+08:00

Met up with Ah Choong just now.

He asked me no matter what advice is given; follow my heart.

It seems that now, I have no heart, be it to follow or to satisfy. I chose not to.

I do not want to fall into the entrapment again.

_____________

Bloody shyt, fisherman's village is closed. What's left is "The Blue Pub." At least they don't really serve diluted beer, albeit it is expensive.

_____________

Hopefully that you see this message, and you won't message me anymore.

Good night people.

ppfffftttttt.

2006-10-24T21:20:00.000+08:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Funnys of the Day

2006-10-24T03:11:00.000+08:00

Funnys of the Day. Click here.

And here.

Here too (this one is a wee bit too much for pious people so please stay away from this).

Here.

Yes here again.

For ladies who like drinking, here.

Enjoy, people.

Something Meaningful.

2006-10-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

Listen to the song playing now.

Ah, what blatant yet oblivious meaning it holds. For me at least.

I deserve better than to wallow in self-pity.

It is hard, but possible and very real.

陈小春 - 装聋作哑

2006-10-20T15:09:00.000+08:00

老朋友问我你在干嘛
喝了那么多酒说了那么多话
爱由不得人真的一点不假
时间会讲真话, 事情有点复杂

我扪心自问我爱不爱她
把我换做是她, 像我这样的人嫁不嫁
可是我能给她的都给了她
我好怕怕, 再爱她会害了她
我想了又想

可是没道理呀我爱她错了吗
想她心情很差一整天不想说话
爱在九死一生中挣扎
我这样子算什么吗

爱情没道理呀我爱她她爱他
可恶爱的神话这几年骗了我吧
也许现在的她快乐吧
我一个人装聋作哑

周杰倫 - 退后 MV

2006-10-17T02:38:00.000+08:00

Click here.

I Like.

2006-10-15T15:59:00.000+08:00

I like the haze, safe for the smell of it. It gives Singapore a distinctly new flavour and (dis)taste to some, to people like me. It's like being in Genting Highlands (SIGH) and gives a melancholic setting to sunsets and all. Like how the authors usually describe a mysterious setting where dangers lurk in the streets in a science fictional story.

That's not the point exactly. My point is, the haze gives me a unique feel everytime.

I like hanging out with my secondary school friends. The camaraderie and the bondage are not forgotten. It's reliving the past moments when we shared pornographic jokes and those childish but ironic thoughts and come to think of it, innocence lets us see a better perspective in life.

Or I should say, a few perspectives.

Meeting up with new, old groups of mates bridges new and exciting connections. Be it you are looking for a partner, a soulmate or even fascinating discoveries of what your friends are really constructed of.

And did I forget to mention I have gotten a free steamboat dinner at Marina South yesterday, without any of us paying. But only for me though because I was late.

Happy birthday Luther Hua (read: Liu De Hua)!

I like giving tuition to my two kids, Brion and Jiajin. The way they smiled when they understood concepts. The exhilaration and self-discovery they exhibit bring satisfaction to me. The way they tell me about their daily lives rejuvenates me.

I like.

I like to be alone sometimes. I got too used to the solitary life that sometimes, it brings awkwardness and discomfort to me when I am with people whom I seldom talk to. I like to talk about life, because everytime I joke too much with my friends, I don't feel like myself. Only in here, my true self manifests.

I like to have random thoughts in my mind because cummulatively, they bring my mindset back on track again.

I like to be, finally, myself again. And I would like it to stay that way. : D

As I always say, good day people.

My Achilles' Heel.

2006-10-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

It is such a waste. Bro Jimmy and Steve asked me along for a weekend getaway to Genting Highlands this coming Friday night. And my expenses paid for.

Well, I have to prioritise. School events and club reputation come first. Especially when it is "sai gang."

Sorry bros, I really want to go.

**********

I realise I have quite a number of soft spots for the opposite sex.

Femme Fetale.

Man, that happens almost every/any other day when I see the creatures from Venus on the trains, buses and school. But thank God, this does not hit me so badly. Call them my eye candies if you like. So it is really inevitable that the human mind wanders into uncharted territories. The impossible.

Like a, "hello miss, can we have a chat?" kind of thing.

So there is really nothing fanciful about my thoughts most of the time. Remember, I am a simple person after all.

**********

But there are really some soft spots about me that bug me from day to day. Some times of the day they come, sometimes they go. As elusive as the haze. As delusive as the tricks that Houdini once played.

*********

Talk about the already-stale memories that you want to relive. Talk about how the person made you feel that rejuvenates you every night. Talk about how the person spoke that made the stressful nights more bearable.

**********

Talk about the future together.

Well, calculated risks are not exactly calculated pe say. How can one be sure? Life is not a game of math. If only life is to be so rigid, we would have forgtten the purpose of the very existence of being on this ridiculously round piece of soil; the very reason why we live, and what we are living for.

We live for others, and others for us.

And so I wonder. Who lives for me? Who are(is) the one(s) who give(s) purpose and meaning to the mundanity of my lacklustre life?

Or am I even appreciated in the first place? Or known? Or exist(ed) in the saturated minds of typical Singaporean friends?

I dwell too much on my personal actions and behaviours. Like an entrapped game estrangled by the snare in a hunting trap. Asphyxiating.

Maybe it is the culture in my family and the way I have spent my formative years that make me so different from others

**********

Karma. It is coming. Or has it already arrived?

Jay Zhou - 退后

2006-10-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由

酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气

你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空

我知道门都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去